Choose the period

Choose a category


Today, my girlfriend left for basic training. I went to say goodbye to her at the airport. Only after I walked back to my car did I realize that she still had the keys. My extra set was back at the house, locked in. FML

by blank / 01/21/2013 at 4:55pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I was lectured by my mother for staying out until 2 am because I went to a gig last night. I was told I was irresponsible and made to feel ashamed. Not only do I live on my own and pay my bills, but I'm almost 30. This is a regular occurrence. FML

by vegas518 / 05/01/2013 at 7:13pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it was my very last day teaching my dance class. After the class ended, the owner of the studio started clapping and told all my students to give me a hug. No one hugged me. No one. FML

by funnygirl018 / 05/28/2013 at 6:14pm / United States / Work

Today, I actually had to explain to two of my friends that neither Alaska nor Nebraska are in Canada. I think I need new friends. FML

by ROBERT / 08/08/2013 at 2:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss' son is training to take over my job as head translator, after having convinced his dad that he's fluent in Spanish, and that my skills suck. I soon walked in on him using Google Translate on a legal document. My boss refuses to believe me. FML

by anahira6 / 09/27/2013 at 3:41pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My boyfriend thinks I'm faking the whole thing in revenge for the fight we had yesterday. FML

by JaneChemi / 01/15/2014 at 4:47pm / United States (California) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML

by management / 02/20/2014 at 9:31pm / United States / Work

Today, I was feeling really depressed and ended up asking my mom why guys aren't interested in me. She replied with a laundry list of reasons, including, "Hair. Boobs. Face. Everything." FML

by snore / 04/19/2014 at 4:12pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Love

Today, I managed to not laugh as a potential high-profile Italian client with a heavy accent repeatedly pronounced "sheet metal" as "shit metal". Unfortunately, my boss and a senior colleague couldn't contain their own laughter. We lost that deal, and our jobs are now endangered. FML

by Shitmetalseller / 08/02/2014 at 6:37pm / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Work

Today, I got sick at school. When someone called my mom for permission for me to leave, she told them she doesn't have a daughter and to never call that number again. FML

by thealaskanyoung / 10/29/2014 at 11:58pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML

by ThaBoss12 / 11/01/2014 at 6:22pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my husband bought me XL pajamas for my birthday. I got really angry, telling him that's obviously not my size. I tried them on just to show him how ridiculous they look. They fit. FML

by middleagednurse / 01/14/2015 at 12:49pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML

by pledonasm / 03/15/2015 at 12:11pm / India (Maharashtra) / Kids