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Today, it was my very last day teaching my dance class. After the class ended, the owner of the studio started clapping and told all my students to give me a hug. No one hugged me. No one. FML

by funnygirl018 / 05/28/2013 at 6:14pm / United States / Work

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

by kutekittykatz / 07/10/2013 at 4:58am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Animals

Today, I actually had to explain to two of my friends that neither Alaska nor Nebraska are in Canada. I think I need new friends. FML

by ROBERT / 08/08/2013 at 2:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was mugged in a public bathroom. All I had on me was a plastic sheriff's badge, so I gave it to them. They laughed me out of the restroom. FML

by the_lameo_geek / 10/20/2013 at 10:16pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My boyfriend thinks I'm faking the whole thing in revenge for the fight we had yesterday. FML

by JaneChemi / 01/15/2014 at 4:47pm / United States (California) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML

by management / 02/20/2014 at 9:31pm / United States / Work

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML

by BustedEgo / 03/23/2014 at 1:31am / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, I was feeling really depressed and ended up asking my mom why guys aren't interested in me. She replied with a laundry list of reasons, including, "Hair. Boobs. Face. Everything." FML

by snore / 04/19/2014 at 4:12pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Love

Today, my parents were screaming so loud about who clogged the toilet that a neighbor called the police because they thought someone was in danger. FML

by dear god why / 05/26/2014 at 4:28pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got sick at school. When someone called my mom for permission for me to leave, she told them she doesn't have a daughter and to never call that number again. FML

by thealaskanyoung / 10/29/2014 at 11:58pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML

by SisterOfTard / 11/10/2014 at 11:31am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned what it would be like if he had sex with anyone other than me. I mentioned the same about him. He quickly yelled, "No, you're a woman. You are mine!" FML

by justagirl / 12/02/2014 at 12:40am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been shitting in the bathtub for the entire 2 weeks I had been gone. FML

by shittysituation / 01/05/2015 at 1:27am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous