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Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

#21061692
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52325) - you deserved it (7830)

On 02/15/2014 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

#21058991
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47102) - you deserved it (17079)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:20am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

#21078055
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48362) - you deserved it (5912)

On 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by cockfist (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (238) - you deserved it (18542)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML

Today, British Telecom disconnected my landline by mistake. Their call centre in India tried to reach me. Result, they spoke to an unknown gentleman, who told them he didn't need a phone line at my address. Reconnection in 2 business days. FML

#365
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18738) - you deserved it (1784)

On 11/22/2008 at 6:51am - misc - by Sugar - United Kingdom

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

#1168
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16216) - you deserved it (2102)

On 01/14/2009 at 9:25pm - misc - by marlow - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it didn't flush. FML

#1663
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17703) - you deserved it (2817)

On 01/18/2009 at 8:01pm - misc - by frankie - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to sit here for 8 hours copying and pasting thousands of product codes on a frigging spreadsheet. My job title is not data entry, I'm a graphic designer. FML

#1791
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17521) - you deserved it (2258)

On 01/19/2009 at 8:23pm - work - by Lincoln - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I'm looking for a job, and the employer I spoke to by phone was busy, but before hanging up he said "we will call you soon". I still wonder how he plans to do so without even having asked for my number. FML

#2053
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17374) - you deserved it (2047)

On 01/21/2009 at 12:03pm - love - by maddy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I just went to the bathroom and someone thought I was a guy. FML

#4206
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18572) - you deserved it (2699)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:26pm - misc - by Lady of Sorrows - United States (Indiana)

Today, I did my work, the work of my co-worker who called in sick and the work of my boss who has no idea what the hell is going on all at the same time. I didn't get a promotion because I don't work hard enough. FML

#101471
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39257) - you deserved it (2725)

On 02/22/2009 at 1:14am - work - by Noname (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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