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Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

#20986172
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51194) - you deserved it (3366)

On 12/09/2013 at 10:10am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my cousin started sending sarcastic love messages to me. I replied, with even cheesier lines. Then she rang me saying she was so glad I felt the same way. Turns out she wasn't being sarcastic. FML

#20991120
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49105) - you deserved it (8478)

On 12/13/2013 at 10:10am - love - by wth? - United Kingdom (Rotherham)

Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML

#21016204
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50741) - you deserved it (5824)

On 01/04/2014 at 1:06am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family and I were having turkey for dinner. My boyfriend leaned in towards me and muttered, "I'll stuff your turkey later". Everyone heard and the whole room went dead silent. FML

Today, I was shopping, when a man pointed at me and said to his friend, "Her. She's the one." He replied, "Yes, she'll do fine." I'm scared. FML

Today, my house is on lockdown. I recently moved to Georgia from Rhode Island to be with my boyfriend. The state is on high alert for an ice storm. I'm stuck inside with my terrified boyfriend, who's calling it "the storm of the century". I used to walk to school in this weather. FML

#21058111
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46361) - you deserved it (5333)

On 02/12/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by Stuck - United States (Georgia)

Today, after years of counseling and therapy for my anger issues, I snapped. Two words: Flappy Bird. FML

#21051812
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44027) - you deserved it (13109)

On 02/05/2014 at 10:39pm - misc - by tigerisabelle (woman) -

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

#21053213
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51940) - you deserved it (18457)

On 02/07/2014 at 9:18am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (Iowa)

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

#21061692
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52105) - you deserved it (7818)

On 02/15/2014 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

#21058991
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47053) - you deserved it (17065)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:20am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33721) - you deserved it (11089)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, British Telecom disconnected my landline by mistake. Their call centre in India tried to reach me. Result, they spoke to an unknown gentleman, who told them he didn't need a phone line at my address. Reconnection in 2 business days. FML

#365
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18502) - you deserved it (1756)

On 11/22/2008 at 6:51am - misc - by Sugar - United Kingdom

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

#1168
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16169) - you deserved it (2098)

On 01/14/2009 at 9:25pm - misc - by marlow - Canada (Ontario)



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Tuesday 22 July 2014

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