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Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55944) - you deserved it (9577)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

#20986172
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53386) - you deserved it (3537)

On 12/09/2013 at 10:10am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

#20999459
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53583) - you deserved it (7961)

On 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by zamwow (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a sign he made in front of my Minecraft house. FML

#21000308
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46062) - you deserved it (6097)

On 12/21/2013 at 3:05pm - misc - by back to creepers (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

#21021456
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59815) - you deserved it (4368)

On 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by stalked - United States (Florida)

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

#21045407
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41691) - you deserved it (4535)

On 01/30/2014 at 5:46pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

#21046154
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47274) - you deserved it (4022)

On 01/31/2014 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was shopping, when a man pointed at me and said to his friend, "Her. She's the one." He replied, "Yes, she'll do fine." I'm scared. FML

Today, I came home and saw my cat all snuggled up with another cat on the sofa. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, until I remembered that I only have one cat. FML

#21191841
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43001) - you deserved it (4762)

On 06/28/2014 at 8:09pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

#21401745
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33781) - you deserved it (4516)

On 04/29/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, British Telecom disconnected my landline by mistake. Their call centre in India tried to reach me. Result, they spoke to an unknown gentleman, who told them he didn't need a phone line at my address. Reconnection in 2 business days. FML

#365
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19043) - you deserved it (1799)

On 11/22/2008 at 6:51am - misc - by Sugar - United Kingdom

Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see well with them. She replied, "Oh yes, you have two big spots on your nose!" FML

#599
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17452) - you deserved it (2155)

On 12/25/2008 at 11:53pm - work - by jamjamy - Sent from mobile version



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