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Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML

#21364287
160 comments

Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML

#21427542
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23665) - you deserved it (11527)

On 06/17/2015 at 11:41am - misc - by HURP (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, on my second day at my new job, a customer called my manager with a complaint about me. He said I put the cheese "upside down" on his sandwich, and that made it taste bad. FML

Today, I went out to eat with my aunt and uncle, I barely looked at the male waiter because I'm a shy person. Then my uncle says: "YOU SHOULD TAKE OUT MY NIECE! She's never dated in her life." I'm 19 and my match maker is my uncle. FML

#3846
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27270) - you deserved it (2803)

On 01/30/2009 at 5:08pm - love - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, my temp agency sent me out for an interview for a great job. The interviewer and I hit it off. She asked if I could start later today. She said she'd call after making up a contract. She didn't call. My temp agency called to tell me the interviewer was fired right after my interview. FML

Today, I was working and some woman wanted to pay with a credit card. It already had a picture on the card so you don't have to ask for i.d., and just glancing at it I asked, "Oh, is this your husband's card?" She then replied, "No, that's just me with glasses and short hair." FML

#2558770
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16528) - you deserved it (42657)

On 06/03/2009 at 2:50am - work - by em (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML

#3080092
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15790) - you deserved it (43566)

On 06/21/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by Crispy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was pulling out of my driveway, and was being aware of the flowers I had just planted. I moved my head to look out my window as not to hit them, not realizing my window was up. I then hit my head break my nose and drive over the flowers. FML

#1845735
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22086) - you deserved it (41228)

On 05/11/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by samantha246 - United States (New York)

Today, I was in the park for a walk when a ball rolled to my feet. Figuring it belonged to the kids not far off, I wound back and kicked. The ball had actually been kicked by someone else for their dog to chase and I ended up punting it in the head. FML

#2489611
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14630) - you deserved it (35438)

On 06/01/2009 at 12:50am - money - by steph (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my mom was driving me somewhere. As we were driving she got mad at a motorcycle driver telling to "get the fuck off the road." In response, the driver decided to spit into my open window. His spit landed on my face. FML

#2267007
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51383) - you deserved it (3938)

On 05/25/2009 at 3:43am - misc - by hahahah111 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss rang me for the 5th time on my day off. Frustrated I pushed 'ignore' and yelled a string of obscenities at my phone. Turns out I pushed 'talk'. FML

#4994596
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12323) - you deserved it (48119)

On 09/02/2009 at 5:39am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Marlborough)

Today, I found out I'm balding faster than my dad. I'm 19. FML

#3768794
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51966) - you deserved it (2751)

On 07/15/2009 at 4:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got an email from a Scholarship Program reminding me that they had rejected me 3 months ago. Thanks for reminding me I might not make it to college. FML

#3772317
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44734) - you deserved it (3089)

On 07/15/2009 at 12:02pm - money - by nsJ (man) - United States (Florida)



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