Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

by all5fingers / 09/08/2011 at 1:23am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, it finally became clear to me that before you start dating a co-worker, it's best to figure out who they've already dated from work, just in case one of her exes is your new manager. FML

by Scorned Employee / 01/01/2012 at 10:38pm / United States (West Virginia) / Work

Today, my parents tried to convince me to get a divorce. My wife and I are perfectly fine. FML

by rook / 01/09/2012 at 4:08am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, is the third day since I opened my small coffee shop. My parents had given me a nice frame to put my first dollar from working in. I had to sneak in a dollar from my own wallet so they wouldn't know how bad business was when they came to visit. FML

by jeremyj / 06/09/2012 at 8:24pm / United States / Work

Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML

by pimpdaddyX / 09/22/2012 at 12:22pm / Malaysia (Selangor) / Love

Today, at my job at the mall, our music malfunctioned and now will only play the same three songs over and over again. Our manager won't let us turn it off because "the customers won't notice". FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2012 at 12:31pm / Singapore / Work

Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML

by williebees / 11/28/2012 at 12:43pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, someone broke into my car by smashing the driver's side window. I'd be less irritated if they had just used the door handle; the lock has been broken for years. FML

by Perplexed / 01/19/2013 at 8:14am / United States (South Dakota) / Money

Today I returned home after a semester at university. I guess I did too good a job of getting into shape as my parents phoned the police, thinking I was a burglar. FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2013 at 5:44am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML

by mandm / 09/24/2013 at 5:01pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I had the most intelligent conversation I've ever had with my boyfriend. He was getting really in-depth about subjects like biotechnology and gamma radiation. I soon realized he was only referring to the Incredible Hulk. FML

by cubs44fan / 03/04/2014 at 6:25pm / United States (Indiana) / Geek

Today, I graduated from Basic Training. I was really looking forward to seeing my family after being away for almost three months. They decided not to come to graduation because they didn't want to spend the money to travel here. They live 30 minutes away. FML

by CheapFamily / 04/09/2014 at 7:47pm / United States / Money

Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML

by Anonymous / 05/04/2014 at 10:58pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work