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Today, I went to babysit eight kids under the age of ten, all by myself. After five hours of Hell, the parents finally came back from the ASU game. I got paid $5. FML

by JazzyandAlice / 09/20/2009 at 2:06am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came to a realization that the closest people to me in my life, the ones who are warm and welcoming, who're happy to see me, who honestly wanna know how I've been and how I feel, whose smiles make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, are the baristas at Starbucks, not my actual 'friends'. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2009 at 4:46am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML

by Riskreh / 09/23/2009 at 7:10am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I found out the reason my clothes have been smelling a little funny isn't because I sweat heavily, it's because of the dead rat in the back of my dryer. FML

by Anonymous / 09/29/2009 at 12:43am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I recieved a phone call from a good guy friend of mine, someone I haven't seen for years. He tells me he has "deep" feelings for me, and wants to know since my husband is deployed, if it would be okay if we "dated" because he told his parents I'm his girlfriend. FML

by annoyed / 12/19/2009 at 12:52am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I told a customer at the drive-thru I couldn't hear him as he had his music blaring too loud. The customer then drove to the window and verbally abused me for listening to my iPod at work. My "iPod" is the headset we use to take orders at the drive-thru. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 1:23am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my long term ex, who broke up with me over a year ago and shattered my heart, seduced me (which wasn't hard as he knew I still had feelings for him) and as he pulled out after the couple of minutes of what he called sex, he used the line "There we go, that's your freebie." FML

by misshb / 01/17/2010 at 8:26pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my anxiety disorder has escalated to where I now scratch and pick at my face while asleep. Now I get to sleep with oven mitts taped to my hands. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2010 at 7:53am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandma sent me a Valentine's Day card. For years she's been hinting at me to lose weight. The card: a picture of cookies on the front and a gym membership inside. FML

by bcca / 02/13/2010 at 9:22am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I'm so bored of my relationship with my girlfriend, I'd rather make sure I don't break the springs in my bed than make love to her. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 5:57am / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Intimacy

Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML

by ballnchain / 03/30/2010 at 12:04pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me that he had cheated on me two months ago with my best friend. I decided to give him a second chance. About twenty minutes later, he then broke up with me for not wanting to watch football. Apparently I don't care about his feelings. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2010 at 11:03am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, it's my 26th birthday. My girlfriend gave me a matchbox car, a glow necklace, and a squirt gun. For her birthday, I bought her a new dress, rented a limo, and took her around to bar hop with her friends. FML

by 1fungi / 12/07/2010 at 12:25am / Love