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Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

#21058991
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48721) - you deserved it (17740)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:20am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, my brother told my 3 year old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML

#21247749
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40563) - you deserved it (3830)

On 08/29/2014 at 8:35am - kids - by Amithatevil - Japan (Kanagawa)

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

#21265897
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35797) - you deserved it (3659)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

#21309415
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45949) - you deserved it (11869)

On 12/01/2014 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

#21346857
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34063) - you deserved it (3160)

On 01/30/2015 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, British Telecom disconnected my landline by mistake. Their call centre in India tried to reach me. Result, they spoke to an unknown gentleman, who told them he didn't need a phone line at my address. Reconnection in 2 business days. FML

#365
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18944) - you deserved it (1793)

On 11/22/2008 at 6:51am - misc - by Sugar - United Kingdom

Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see well with them. She replied, "Oh yes, you have two big spots on your nose!" FML

#599
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17377) - you deserved it (2145)

On 12/25/2008 at 11:53pm - work - by jamjamy - Sent from mobile version

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

#1168
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16428) - you deserved it (2116)

On 01/14/2009 at 9:25pm - misc - by marlow - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I just went to the bathroom and someone thought I was a guy. FML

#4206
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19532) - you deserved it (2791)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:26pm - misc - by Lady of Sorrows - United States (Indiana)

Today, my friend and I went to a tacky-themed party. She was wearing orange faux snake stilettos. I commented, "Those are perfect for tonight, where'd you manage to find such hideous shoes?" It turns out she wears those shoes all the time, the color just matched her outfit. FML

#181542
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10890) - you deserved it (40425)

On 03/02/2009 at 9:07am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I checked my email for the hundredth time, hoping to hear back from a potential employer about a job I really want. No response. Why? My email with resume attached has been sitting in my Outbox for the past week. I never actually sent it out in the first place. FML

#5612700
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7738) - you deserved it (34265)

On 10/02/2009 at 10:23pm - work - by Unemployed (woman) - United States

Today, I was searching for a travel bag. I looked in my parents room for one. I found one alright, with all there sex toys in it. FML

#5464453
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19259) - you deserved it (5714)

On 09/25/2009 at 10:37am - intimacy - by R-R-R-Ray (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

#5847643
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22962) - you deserved it (5826)

On 10/16/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by rugernut13 (man) - United States (Virginia)



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