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Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML

by CK95 / 01/01/2015 at 6:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2015 at 1:58am / Finland / Work

Today, I woke up panting and drenched in sweat from a horrible nightmare. I'd been dreaming that bright, colored shapes were falling from the sky and I couldn't make them all neatly align with one another on the ground. I guess I should stop playing so much Tetris before bed. FML

by I love L / 08/08/2015 at 6:56pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out to eat with my aunt and uncle, I barely looked at the male waiter because I'm a shy person. Then my uncle says: "YOU SHOULD TAKE OUT MY NIECE! She's never dated in her life." I'm 19 and my match maker is my uncle. FML

by Noname / 01/30/2009 at 5:08pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my fiance told me that he no longer loves me, that he still has feelings for an ex. The wedding is off and he needs the ring back to give to the right woman. FML

by nolongerengaged / 02/03/2009 at 12:08pm / United States / Love

Today, I went to get my underarms waxed. I'm usually not self-conscious because I figure they see worse stuff all the time. When I raised my arm for her to wax my armpit she looked at me, laughed and said "Well I guess that's how I know it's winter in Wisconsin!" FML

by Kelly / 03/02/2009 at 6:38pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I looked through my girlfriend's phone book and saw two entries with my name. One had "(cute)" attached to it. I checked to see if it was my number. It wasn't. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2009 at 5:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went into work to waitress on a table of 40 guests. They were my only table for the day and the bill came to over 700 dollars. After they left the busser was cleaning the table and threw out the credit card receipt which had my tip on it. FML

by Anonymous / 06/28/2009 at 2:43pm / United States (New York) / Money

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill on the floor and my dog ate it. The good news is, I startled her and she spit it right out. The bad news is, I still had to take it after it had been in my dog's mouth. FML

by ssnickel / 07/07/2009 at 5:29pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I came to a realization that the closest people to me in my life, the ones who are warm and welcoming, who're happy to see me, who honestly wanna know how I've been and how I feel, whose smiles make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, are the baristas at Starbucks, not my actual 'friends'. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2009 at 4:46am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML

by Riskreh / 09/23/2009 at 7:10am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I got a paper back that was given a zero for suspected plagiarism. Everything I wrote was my own thought and analysis. My instructor basically thinks my paper is smarter than I am. He won't listen, even when I explain my thought processes throughout the piece. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2009 at 1:43am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog received a christmas card before I did. FML

by amywee / 12/09/2009 at 10:33am / United Kingdom (York) / Animals