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Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

#21140956
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32789) - you deserved it (52529)

On 05/15/2014 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by FLIPmcCOOL - Ireland (Cork)

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

#21245451
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50677) - you deserved it (9738)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

Today, British Telecom disconnected my landline by mistake. Their call centre in India tried to reach me. Result, they spoke to an unknown gentleman, who told them he didn't need a phone line at my address. Reconnection in 2 business days. FML

#365
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18851) - you deserved it (1788)

On 11/22/2008 at 6:51am - misc - by Sugar - United Kingdom

Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see well with them. She replied, "Oh yes, you have two big spots on your nose!" FML

#599
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17257) - you deserved it (2143)

On 12/25/2008 at 11:53pm - work - by jamjamy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

#4150
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22846) - you deserved it (1775)

On 01/31/2009 at 1:20pm - work - by Larry - United States (California)

Today, I'm 19, I'm at uni, I've never been kissed and the only person I have had a proper conversation with in the past week is my Mum. FML

#4477
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25058) - you deserved it (4756)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:07am - misc - by geewhiz - United Kingdom (York)

Today, my friend and I went to a tacky-themed party. She was wearing orange faux snake stilettos. I commented, "Those are perfect for tonight, where'd you manage to find such hideous shoes?" It turns out she wears those shoes all the time, the color just matched her outfit. FML

#181542
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10833) - you deserved it (40352)

On 03/02/2009 at 9:07am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "Its okay, I still like the song." FML

#14896
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23797) - you deserved it (4380)

On 02/08/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by None (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at my ex-girlfriends house, whom I still have a major crush on. After cuddling as we watched a movie, she began to show me several pictures she had taken on her cell, and asked which ones I liked the best. She then sent the pictures I had chosen, to a guy she had met a week ago. FML

#111857
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36458) - you deserved it (10614)

On 02/23/2009 at 3:09am - misc - by LAME (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was searching for a travel bag. I looked in my parents room for one. I found one alright, with all there sex toys in it. FML

#5464453
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17748) - you deserved it (5392)

On 09/25/2009 at 10:37am - intimacy - by R-R-R-Ray (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

#5847643
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22698) - you deserved it (5797)

On 10/16/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by rugernut13 (man) - United States (Virginia)



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