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Today, I realized that it's been well over a month since my boyfriend has even tried to have sex with me. The last time was our first time, and because he couldn't keep it up, he's too humiliated to accept any of my advances. FML

by Sexless4Life / 08/05/2013 at 2:33pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I was uninvited to a bachelorette party. I wouldn't really care, if the party hadn't been for me, ahead of my wedding tomorrow. FML

by anonymous / 09/17/2013 at 1:52pm / United States / Love

Today, every time I write the word "analyst," I can't help but giggle because it begins with "anal." I'm 24, and studying to be a conflict analyst. FML

by Sunny / 09/18/2013 at 6:59pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, like every day since my wife was prescribed antibiotics for an infection, I had to hide one of the pills inside her food, because she'd apparently rather fall seriously ill than swallow them like an adult. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2014 at 2:02pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I learned the valuable lesson that taking care of a baby crow isn't the best idea. He finally can fly away, but sits on my porch all day cawing for food. FML

by a very unlucky dude. / 06/18/2014 at 2:37am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML

by Stellarum / 08/18/2014 at 11:13am / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Kids

Today, my coworkers and I were comparing the backgrounds we have on our phones. They pretty much sum up our love lives; everyone else's background is a photo of their boyfriend or girlfriend. Mine's a photo of a lifeless desert. FML

by Fennec / 08/11/2014 at 3:05pm / Love

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2014 at 11:35am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML

by CK95 / 01/01/2015 at 6:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2015 at 1:58am / Finland / Work

Today, I woke up panting and drenched in sweat from a horrible nightmare. I'd been dreaming that bright, colored shapes were falling from the sky and I couldn't make them all neatly align with one another on the ground. I guess I should stop playing so much Tetris before bed. FML

by I love L / 08/08/2015 at 6:56pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out to eat with my aunt and uncle, I barely looked at the male waiter because I'm a shy person. Then my uncle says: "YOU SHOULD TAKE OUT MY NIECE! She's never dated in her life." I'm 19 and my match maker is my uncle. FML

by Noname / 01/30/2009 at 5:08pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my fiance told me that he no longer loves me, that he still has feelings for an ex. The wedding is off and he needs the ring back to give to the right woman. FML

by nolongerengaged / 02/03/2009 at 12:08pm / United States / Love