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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got kicked out of English class shortly after our teacher told us we have to write an essay on how the storyline of Harry Potter is one big allegory for "the futility of socialism." Apparently, reacting with disbelief makes me a "disruptive influence." FML

#20905920
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36460) - you deserved it (3743)

On 10/03/2013 at 12:42pm - misc - by WTF? (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

#20970108
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40658) - you deserved it (6741)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, like every day since my wife was prescribed antibiotics for an infection, I had to hide one of the pills inside her food, because she'd apparently rather fall seriously ill than swallow them like an adult. FML

#21022498
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44302) - you deserved it (4340)

On 01/09/2014 at 2:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML

#21328812
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26396) - you deserved it (7319)

On 01/01/2015 at 6:02pm - misc - by CK95 - United States

Today, I warned my boss that I couldn't take part in a very important meeting I've been working on for 6 months (my son is ill). "Never mind" he said, "We'll just put a pot plant on your seat". FML

#465
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25066) - you deserved it (2722)

On 12/07/2008 at 10:21pm - love - by Butterfly - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. They informed me they were lawyers throughout the meal, which explained the gorgeous house. My boyfriend excitedly told them I was promoted manager at my job. They asked where I work. I work at Burger King. FML

#814621
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56607) - you deserved it (8353)

On 04/05/2009 at 10:12am - misc - by Vac (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I looked through my girlfriend's phone book and saw two entries with my name. One had "(cute)" attached to it. I checked to see if it was my number. It wasn't. FML

#3036778
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40054) - you deserved it (4921)

On 06/19/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found my daughter on Facebook after years of looking for her after the divorce. It turns out it was my ex pretending to be my daughter so she could track me down. FML

#27666
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50002) - you deserved it (5869)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:06pm - misc - by toad (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the priest was handing out red roses after church. The woman ahead of me asked for a rose. The priest said, "Sorry, we are only giving them out to single women since they didn't get any for Valentine's Day." Then he hands one to me. This was the first time I have been to that church. FML

#62419
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39680) - you deserved it (4014)

On 02/17/2009 at 6:44pm - love - by KC (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I didn't call her in the last few days. I tried to explain to her that I was out at my grandfather's house in a remote place with no cell service to stand by him on his death bed. She thought I was making excuses and called me a lying bastard. FML

#3759649
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55796) - you deserved it (4325)

On 07/14/2009 at 10:17pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my oldest son answered my phone call much to my surprise as we haven't spoken in a year. The first words out of his mouth were, "I didn't mean to pick up the phone." He then hung up. FML

#5764278
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35588) - you deserved it (8488)

On 10/10/2009 at 8:30pm - kids - by Jer (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my 26th birthday party got busted by my parents due to them coming home early because of a flight cancellation. Everyone had to leave, but not before my mother made me go to my room. FML

#5055356
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21943) - you deserved it (44285)

On 09/05/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by joeshmoe (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I found out that the phrase I got tattooed on my lower back is misspelled. FML

#5680607
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15155) - you deserved it (64431)

On 10/06/2009 at 10:38am - misc - by TatooFAIL (woman) - United States (New York)



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