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Today, at lunch, a fly was buzzing around my food. I managed to kill the fly in my napkin in midair. I continued my lunch, pleased with my amazing ninja skills. When I was done with my lunch, I wiped my mouth with the napkin. I can still taste bug guts. Karma. FML

by munckncruncj15 / 10/22/2009 at 12:19am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I found out that shouting 'arsehole' at a speeding car is not a good idea. Two chavs MIGHT just turn around, drive onto the pavement and push you into a bush. FML

by Daivv / 01/28/2010 at 10:43am / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Transportation

Today, I was life guarding at a community pool and noticed a toddler go under water. I quickly jumped in and suddenly got a charlie horse which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML

by Username / 08/31/2010 at 8:35pm / Kids

Today, I discovered the top I'm wearing becomes completely see-through when it rains. I just got caught in a storm on my lunch break, and still have 3 hours of work to go in my male dominated office. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2010 at 2:37am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought items to customer service. As she walked away and said "Thanks," I tried to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" at the same time. I ended up saying "Your problem". She scowled at me. FML

by romedizzle / 11/24/2010 at 4:52am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I got a birthday card from my parents. It was my sister's from earlier in the year. They scratched out her name and wrote mine underneath. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 6:31pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason she asked me to shave my beard. When I go down on her shaved, it feels more like her ex-boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2010 at 4:26pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I took the time to make myself look nice just so that the pizza guy would think I had a life. FML

by sunshine19217 / 01/18/2011 at 6:07pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that if I don't clean out the litter box everyday, my cat will resort to shitting in the laundry basket. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 7:45pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, I quit my job after I overheard my boss doing a 'hysterical' impression of me telling her about my dad's heart condition. FML

by dinomite / 03/26/2011 at 8:05am / Work

Today, my ex fiancée, who left me six months ago, asked if I'd mind if she used the wedding dress I bought her for our wedding. She's just gotten engaged again. FML

by Jon / 04/02/2011 at 12:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

by Username / 04/30/2011 at 12:49am / United States / Health

Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML

by whattalife / 09/02/2011 at 6:53pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work