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Today, I found out that shouting 'arsehole' at a speeding car is not a good idea. Two chavs MIGHT just turn around, drive onto the pavement and push you into a bush. FML

by Daivv / 01/28/2010 at 10:43am / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Transportation

Today, I was life guarding at a community pool and noticed a toddler go under water. I quickly jumped in and suddenly got a charlie horse which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML

by Username / 08/31/2010 at 8:35pm / Kids

Today, I discovered the top I'm wearing becomes completely see-through when it rains. I just got caught in a storm on my lunch break, and still have 3 hours of work to go in my male dominated office. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2010 at 2:37am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought items to customer service. As she walked away and said "Thanks," I tried to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" at the same time. I ended up saying "Your problem". She scowled at me. FML

by romedizzle / 11/24/2010 at 4:52am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I got a birthday card from my parents. It was my sister's from earlier in the year. They scratched out her name and wrote mine underneath. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 6:31pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell and got a nasty cut above my right eye. The doctor in the ER sealed the wound with surgical glue. He also glued his glove to my eyebrow, and let glue run onto my eyelid. Not only do I have a scar and medical bill, I now have no eyebrow or eyelashes on my right eye. FML

by Dante / 01/06/2011 at 7:26pm / Health

Today, I took the time to make myself look nice just so that the pizza guy would think I had a life. FML

by sunshine19217 / 01/18/2011 at 6:07pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that if I don't clean out the litter box everyday, my cat will resort to shitting in the laundry basket. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 7:45pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, I quit my job after I overheard my boss doing a 'hysterical' impression of me telling her about my dad's heart condition. FML

by dinomite / 03/26/2011 at 8:05am / Work

Today, my ex fiancée, who left me six months ago, asked if I'd mind if she used the wedding dress I bought her for our wedding. She's just gotten engaged again. FML

by Jon / 04/02/2011 at 12:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

by Username / 04/30/2011 at 12:49am / United States / Health

Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML

by whattalife / 09/02/2011 at 6:53pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I learned that my roommate, the one in charge of the cooking, never washes her hands beforehand. According to her, it boosts her immune system. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2011 at 12:10pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous