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Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML

#20905869
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45017) - you deserved it (4695)

On 10/03/2013 at 11:38am - intimacy - by EconM - United States

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML

#20930986
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44391) - you deserved it (5335)

On 10/23/2013 at 12:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I decided to try LSD with a few friends in a safe environment. As an artist, I had planned to spend my trip doing psychedelic paintings and had all my supplies set up. Apparently I spent most of my time in fetal position muttering about the "evil easel" and never even touched my canvas. FML

#20930479
333 comments

Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML

#20942769
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57532) - you deserved it (6011)

On 11/02/2013 at 5:10pm - kids - by unknown (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

#20946588
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37914) - you deserved it (3330)

On 11/05/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by :/ (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

#20981890
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38839) - you deserved it (21584)

On 12/05/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by possibly a sweater (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

#20982904
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48409) - you deserved it (8050)

On 12/06/2013 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by fuckadaisical (woman) - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

#21033383
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55917) - you deserved it (8992)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

#21045407
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40870) - you deserved it (4441)

On 01/30/2014 at 5:46pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, after years of counseling and therapy for my anger issues, I snapped. Two words: Flappy Bird. FML

#21051812
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44319) - you deserved it (13235)

On 02/05/2014 at 10:39pm - misc - by tigerisabelle (woman) -

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

#21137819
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46942) - you deserved it (6111)

On 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm - misc - by Jarool - Canada (Alberta)



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  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

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