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Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML

#20954288
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37576) - you deserved it (4135)

On 11/11/2013 at 6:58pm - misc - by queenxalee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

#20970108
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43562) - you deserved it (7145)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I feel. She instantly burst out laughing and said "A crush? Dude, what are you, 12?! Hahaha!" FML

#20993484
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45822) - you deserved it (6065)

On 12/15/2013 at 2:16pm - love - by um...no? i don't think so anyway (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I learned the valuable lesson that taking care of a baby crow isn't the best idea. He finally can fly away, but sits on my porch all day cawing for food. FML

#21179030
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38737) - you deserved it (12969)

On 06/18/2014 at 2:37am - animals - by a very unlucky dude. - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my 11-year-old son and I took an IQ test for a laugh. To be honest, I've often suspected that I may have some form of mental retardation, but I didn't expect to get a score of 79, while he got one of 114. FML

#21198731
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44801) - you deserved it (7233)

On 07/04/2014 at 6:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

#21375051
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33209) - you deserved it (9382)

On 03/15/2015 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I met my sister's fiancé. I would have been happier for her if he hadn't been mine a month ago when I introduced them. FML

#21301904
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41514) - you deserved it (3095)

On 11/19/2014 at 3:27am - love - by MissAggravared - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was playing what became an extremely intense game of hide-and-seek with my best friend's sister. I finally found the perfect place, so I slid down into the bath and began to cover myself. She popped up out of nowhere and said, "FOUND YOU!" I got so scared that I punched her in the face. FML

#21325704
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31259) - you deserved it (7756)

On 12/28/2014 at 4:07am - kids - by angryman -

Today, I was sent to the principal's office because I refused to take my earbuds out. Those "earbuds" are my hearing aids. FML

#21435419
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36424) - you deserved it (1741)

On 07/02/2015 at 2:59pm - misc - by Deaf - United States (California)

Today, a creepy old guy kept hitting on me in line at Subway. I got scared and told him to back off because my dad was waiting for me outside. He replied that he wouldn't object to a three-way. FML

#21352037
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36138) - you deserved it (2620)

On 02/08/2015 at 11:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 weeks showed up at my house at 7 AM. I was about to give him a kiss when he said, "Good morning, is Sarah here?" I was confused until I realized he didn't recognize me because I had no make up on. FML

Today, I went to work at my job as a CNA at a long-term care facility. I'm also on a medication that has a side effect of confusion. I had 3 residents with Alzheimer's tell me to 'get my shit together.' FML

Today, my boss called me in to tell me I had got a raise. I bought a $1500 Chanel bag. Two hours later he called me in to tell me he was kidding. FML

#792
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16894) - you deserved it (42195)

On 01/07/2009 at 4:54pm - money - by Perdedor - United States (New York)



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