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Today, my assistant manager was arguing with a customer. I interjected letting the customer know that "we want everything to be copacetic." After the customer left, I received a write up for using "big words." FML

by Username / 02/28/2011 at 11:26am / Work

Today, I was told that I was an idiot by a little girl because I didn't deliver a pizza to her house fast enough. FML

by deliveryboy / 03/05/2011 at 10:46am / China (Shanghai) / Work

Today, I was taking a nap in our country house. I was sick with a fever of 101.3. When I woke up, I see that my family had left to go back to the apartment. They forgot me. FML

by Sickinbed / 06/07/2011 at 6:27am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I woke up to the sound of my car being stolen. FML

by Unhappymothersday / 05/17/2012 at 4:41pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to do the laundry at my hotel. I had just enough money for my two loads. After getting frustrated with the washer taking two of my quarters and giving no credit, I took the clothes out. The washer then locked the door shut and started without my clothes. FML

by jessmess / 08/01/2012 at 12:44pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a taxi ride with my friends. As we were getting out, I paid the taxi driver. With a grin, he drove away fast. It turns out my friend had already paid. FML

by stevenr579 / 01/23/2013 at 6:33pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up for me. It was going pretty good, then he said he was going to go out to smoke. 10 minutes went by and he still hadn't come back. I called my friend and she said he doesn't smoke. FML

by My Life Is Just PERFECT / 03/30/2013 at 11:29am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a client refused to pay after I mowed her lawn. Her reasoning? I had entered her basement "without permission." I require on-site equipment be provided, and she kept her mower in her basement. I only knew it was in the basement because she'd showed me, and told me where the key was. FML

by Wealthyparrot / 05/10/2013 at 4:24am / United States / Work

Today, my friend made an effort to draw a penis on every page in my analysis textbook in pen. I have to return this tomorrow. FML

by fucker43 / 06/02/2013 at 2:11am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family and I visited my cousins in Virginia. When we arrived, we found that they already had guests over. I've stuttered my whole life, so when they asked me what my name was, I stuttered for several seconds trying to say my name. Everyone burst out laughing. FML

by Odnel / 07/27/2013 at 12:47am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2013 at 3:37pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML

by Anonymous / 09/17/2013 at 1:23pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I convinced my father that "Juanito", our relative who needed money for immediate surgery in Mexico was a stranger attempting to scam him. I was $1400 too late. FML

by . / 10/16/2013 at 5:05pm / United States / Money