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Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

#21180516
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50565) - you deserved it (14253)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:37am - love - by stopinthenameoflove - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32722) - you deserved it (4566)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman, like they're the funniest people on the planet. My name is Elsa. FML

#21297408
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44106) - you deserved it (3857)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm - work - by elsatheannoyed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

#756
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23329) - you deserved it (5405)

On 11/12/2008 at 10:01pm - health - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me for my birthday. Over dinner he handed me a blank card that had the words "I love you" hastily written on it. When the waiter came to take our order he informed him that we'd be paying separately. Happy Birthday. FML

#1942
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23141) - you deserved it (2080)

On 01/20/2009 at 5:47pm - love - by nicegirl08 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I work for a boss who does everything he can to singlehandedly ruin our company and drive us into the ground. I just got an e-mail from him saying I need to be a more positive and energetic role-model for our team. Pot… meet Kettle. FML

#2158
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16430) - you deserved it (2063)

On 01/22/2009 at 7:45am - work - by DarkPain - United States (California)

Today, I was at work, the Disney Store. A little boy was crying so I went over to him. After talking to him for a little while I found out he couldn't find his mother. When he became comfortable I went to help him stand up, he choked back his tears and then puked all over me from the waist down. FML

#2866
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22650) - you deserved it (1751)

On 01/27/2009 at 3:02pm - work - by Ren - United States (Illinois)

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

#4150
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22969) - you deserved it (1780)

On 01/31/2009 at 1:20pm - work - by Larry - United States (California)

Today, I'm 19, I'm at uni, I've never been kissed and the only person I have had a proper conversation with in the past week is my Mum. FML

#4477
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25172) - you deserved it (4771)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:07am - misc - by geewhiz - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "Its okay, I still like the song." FML

#14896
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25108) - you deserved it (4507)

On 02/08/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by None (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I drove to a job interview. I had to sneeze, but because I was driving on the highway, I didn't let go of the wheel to cover my mouth. I didn't know the sneeze was a "productive" one until I was sitting in the interview, looked down at my new blouse and saw the giant lugie sitting there. FML

#112502
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32002) - you deserved it (7968)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:16am - work - by Debbie (woman) - United States (New York)



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