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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was walking to school with my earphones in, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was shocked, and whirled around to hit him in the crotch. I soon realized he was just trying to return the commuter pass I'd dropped at the station. FML

#20073029
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5761) - you deserved it (28458)

On 09/15/2012 at 2:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, after volleyball practice, I noticed my pants were missing. Now I have to go to work wearing spandex bottoms, all because one of my teammates is a thieving douche. FML

#20033828
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20027) - you deserved it (1786)

On 08/21/2012 at 12:39pm - work - by Rimmy Jobs (woman) - United States

Today, I purposely misspelled words while texting my boyfriend so he would think I was out partying and having a life. FML

#20048535
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8220) - you deserved it (24855)

On 08/29/2012 at 9:33pm - misc - by nolife - United States (Virginia)

Today, my friends and I planned to go to a waterpark together. However, due to a "miscommunication," I, and only I, was given both the wrong time and the wrong meeting place. I spent three hours sitting in a parking lot in little more than my swimming suit. FML

#20004339
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21563) - you deserved it (2430)

On 08/05/2012 at 6:05pm - misc - by crissy becks - United States (California)

Today, I went to do the laundry at my hotel. I had just enough money for my two loads. After getting frustrated with the washer taking two of my quarters and giving no credit, I took the clothes out. The washer then locked the door shut and started without my clothes. FML

#19996404
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22164) - you deserved it (4122)

On 08/01/2012 at 12:44pm - misc - by jessmess (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that Nyquil has such an amazing effect on me, that it won't even allow me to wake up to go to the bathroom. FML

#20084489
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19596) - you deserved it (2027)

On 09/23/2012 at 1:03am - health - by Nyquilwtf - United States

Today, I had my first accident in 5 years of driving. I clipped a Ford Fiesta, mirror to mirror. His mirror is totally destroyed. Mine is fine. I was so stressed afterwards that I reversed straight into another car. FML

#20070204
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18657) - you deserved it (7528)

On 09/13/2012 at 1:25pm - money - by Arcam (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, I watched as some idiot made a bad U-turn and I laughed. I then turned into another car. FML

#20031484
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4760) - you deserved it (31844)

On 08/20/2012 at 4:55am - misc - by LOLOLOLOL (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML

#20435279
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26078) - you deserved it (1979)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by why? - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My daughter's $11 One Direction poster. What will it cost to fix my car? $1,000. FML

#20427068
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36283) - you deserved it (3651)

On 12/27/2012 at 11:58pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

#20484695
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24578) - you deserved it (9162)

On 01/29/2013 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML

#20446338
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28092) - you deserved it (4549)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I realized my girlfriend makes the same exact noises in bed and when she eats. I don't know if I'm a really good cook or a really bad lover. FML

#20444730
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27564) - you deserved it (3525)

On 01/06/2013 at 8:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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