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Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2014 at 3:22pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, an attractive guy approached me and struck up a conversation. He was friendly and sweet, and gave me his number. As I walked away, my first thought was that someone had played a cruel joke on me. I've had such awful relationships that I can't recognize when someone is actually being sincere. FML

by criley / 06/23/2014 at 9:56pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

by WasntWorthIt / 07/30/2014 at 1:04pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, I found my son trying to comb his hair with scissors. He's the same kid who thought that if he ate toothpaste, he would never have to brush his teeth again. FML

by berryjones11024 / 09/14/2014 at 10:35am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML

by Xx_DEXIJOKER_xX / 11/11/2014 at 10:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I was playing what became an extremely intense game of hide-and-seek with my best friend's sister. I finally found the perfect place, so I slid down into the bath and began to cover myself. She popped up out of nowhere and said, "FOUND YOU!" I got so scared that I punched her in the face. FML

by angryman / 12/28/2014 at 4:07am / Kids

Today, as I passed by the window that looks out on to my front yard, I saw a man out there so I ran to the kitchen to call the police. The operator asked me to describe the man. It was then that I realized the mysterious man in my yard was the snowman I built yesterday. FML

by anon / 02/03/2015 at 2:50am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to work at my job as a CNA at a long-term care facility. I'm also on a medication that has a side effect of confusion. I had 3 residents with Alzheimer's tell me to 'get my shit together.' FML

by Basically_ / 05/11/2015 at 5:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I bought an expensive video game and decided to show it off and post a photo of it on Instagram. When I got home to play it, it rejected my activation key. I then realised it was showing in the Instagram post. FML

by PISSED OFF / 05/17/2015 at 9:09am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog brought me a a dead rabbit. It so happened to be the rabbit a group of neighborhood kids were looking for after they lost it yesterday. I just had to hide a body for my dog. FML

by savannahsboxxx / 07/11/2015 at 8:09am / United States / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my brand new and very expensive laser printer does actually print 10 times faster than my old one. Except there's nothing printed on the paper. Never mind, at least it makes a cool sound. FML

by harry / 12/06/2008 at 2:51am / Geek

Today, I found out nobody in my family wants to come to my college graduation. I spent 4 years and $60,000 to be the first person in my family to go to college, and nobody wants to see me graduate because the 4 hour ceremony is too long. FML

by strawberrypuff / 05/04/2009 at 7:39pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

by chris / 06/09/2009 at 1:09pm / United States (Connecticut) / Animals