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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
101 comments

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

#21008990
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23612) - you deserved it (49577)

On 12/29/2013 at 2:01am - kids - by ConfusedDad - United States

Today, while working at McDonald's, an angry customer called asking for his money back. Apparently we'd put 6 cheeseburgers in his bag instead of 5, he ate them all and now feels sick. FML

Today, I went to get a shower. When I turned it on, no water came out. Only ants. FML

#21006941
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51991) - you deserved it (3069)

On 12/27/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by anon - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, when I am asked to do something and I don't do it immediately, my mother threatens to "twerk" in front of my friends. FML

#21014763
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41770) - you deserved it (8228)

On 01/02/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by FMLPLZ (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had to pee during a supervised lockdown. I asked my teacher to take me since we couldn't be in the halls alone. Since class was going, she couldn't take me. Much to my dismay, she sent a school-wide email asking for someone to take me to pee. Six teachers took me, including my principal. FML

#20996748
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42109) - you deserved it (4250)

On 12/18/2013 at 4:56am - misc - by Anon - United States (California)

Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see well with them. She replied, "Oh yes, you have two big spots on your nose!" FML

#599
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14184) - you deserved it (1836)

On 12/25/2008 at 11:53pm - work - by jamjamy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

#4150
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20177) - you deserved it (1564)

On 01/31/2009 at 1:20pm - work - by Larry - United States (California)

Today, I'm 19, I'm at uni, I've never been kissed and the only person I have had a proper conversation with in the past week is my Mum. FML

#4477
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23200) - you deserved it (4499)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:07am - misc - by geewhiz - United Kingdom (York)

Today, my friend and I went to a tacky-themed party. She was wearing orange faux snake stilettos. I commented, "Those are perfect for tonight, where'd you manage to find such hideous shoes?" It turns out she wears those shoes all the time, the color just matched her outfit. FML

#181542
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9713) - you deserved it (38192)

On 03/02/2009 at 9:07am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at my ex-girlfriends house, whom I still have a major crush on. After cuddling as we watched a movie, she began to show me several pictures she had taken on her cell, and asked which ones I liked the best. She then sent the pictures I had chosen, to a guy she had met a week ago. FML

#111857
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32584) - you deserved it (9640)

On 02/23/2009 at 3:09am - misc - by LAME (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was searching for a travel bag. I looked in my parents room for one. I found one alright, with all there sex toys in it. FML

#5464453
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14964) - you deserved it (4883)

On 09/25/2009 at 10:37am - intimacy - by R-R-R-Ray (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

#5847643
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19230) - you deserved it (5267)

On 10/16/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by rugernut13 (man) - United States (Virginia)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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