Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I was doing karaoke with my girlfriend's family, when the 5 year old came over and shut off my microphone. FML

by shadowfigure / 01/23/2011 at 12:47am / United States (Alaska) / Kids

Today, my pants felt a little looser than usual. Thinking I'd lost weight, I proudly went about my day. It wasn't until much later that I realised I hadn't lost any weight at all; my fly was down. FML

by woodchuck0022 / 05/21/2011 at 5:16pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was the waiter for my family at the village inn. This wasn't so bad until I found out they left me no tip, only a napkin that said, "Get a haircut." FML

by alek / 07/14/2011 at 10:17am / United States / Work

Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML

by deeenalynn / 07/18/2011 at 12:22pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, a drunk crashed a truck into my porch. Shaken up, I was glad to see that so many of my neighbors had gathered around to comfort me. When the dust settled, I noticed my remaining porch furniture was missing. They weren't consoling me, they were casing the place. FML

by ypsitucky / 07/25/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to El Pollo Loco for the $10.00 special. I ordered from the pimple-faced kid at the register, pulled out two fives, and he said, "That'll be 9.70, I gave you the senior discount." I'm 10 years away from that. Thank you? FML

by Not That Old / 07/28/2011 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the engineers I work with believe that a woman with an engineering degree working in an engineering company is apparently equivalent to a "secretary for engineers." I am that woman. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2011 at 1:53am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, my husband's car was stolen from our driveway while he was out jogging. We'd recently had a huge fight, and he accused me of having done this to get revenge. I was at work all day, but it seems this doesn't make any difference to his dumb, paranoid ass. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2011 at 12:13pm / Singapore / Love

Today, a lady told me her husband had sinus surgery. I replied, "Oh, I know someone who just had that done." I then realized I meant Alexis on The Real Housewives of the OC. FML

by gaagaa / 04/03/2012 at 11:53pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to see my grandfather in hospital, to see how well he's recovering from his stroke. He asked who I was. After I told him I'm his grand-daughter, his head almost rolled off his neck in disappointment. FML

by GPemTGM / 04/08/2012 at 6:55am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2012 at 2:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I ran for editor-in-chief of a magazine. I spent hours working on my speech, and offered a bunch of new ideas to increase readership. My opponent just said that she, "loved the organization". I lost by a 4-1 margin. My opponent later announced her plans for next year. They were all of my ideas. FML

by PollingLow / 05/10/2012 at 11:45am / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, I had eight teeth removed in preparation for getting my braces fitted. My winter break will now consists of barely being able to sleep or eat, tasting blood, and looking like a goofy-ass chipmunk. FML

by Julie is in pain / 07/06/2012 at 1:11pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous