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Today, I had my driver's test in rural Maine. I hit a cow. FML

#20777070
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45841) - you deserved it (12850)

On 07/12/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

#20803453
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41309) - you deserved it (7872)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, after an argument with my wife, I stormed out of our bedroom through the sliding doors to the balcony. Only there was no balcony, because it still hasn't been replaced yet. I'm now laid-up in hospital. FML

#20843350
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35362) - you deserved it (13754)

On 08/18/2013 at 4:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, I received a lemon in a box in the mail. I didn't know from who it was, nor how he or she knows my address. There was a note on it: "When life gives you lemons, date me." FML

#20837021
188 comments

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

#20818422
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57588) - you deserved it (5667)

On 08/03/2013 at 9:01am - misc - by zackeryburch - United States (California)

Today, I woke up at 6am and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML

#20823044
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35849) - you deserved it (17295)

On 08/06/2013 at 12:01am - animals - by Tea_baggins (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

#20835170
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46590) - you deserved it (3661) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2013 at 4:49am - kids - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

#20876171
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47262) - you deserved it (9471)

On 09/10/2013 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by CityBoysNow - United States (Missouri)

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

#20895842
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48161) - you deserved it (5859)

On 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML

#20940427
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44195) - you deserved it (2710)

On 10/31/2013 at 4:42pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60817) - you deserved it (4208)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
101 comments


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