Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I woke up and had a flick through my camera photos. To my disgust my mother had taken pictures of herself, drunk out of her mind, naked with goggles on in our hot tub. FML

by kimbo / 10/25/2010 at 4:28am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, my mother asked me if I'd heard of anal sex. Before I could fully process her question, she explained that it's dangerous because the tissues of the anus are finer and more susceptible to STDs. There were still forty minutes left in our car ride. FML

by SlickMcK / 06/05/2010 at 5:14pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I made salmon patties and boiled cabbage. I smelled smoke from my stove burner, but thought I spilled something in the burner. No big deal. Later, this horrible smell started coming from the stove. My husband took the stove apart, only to find that I had fried a mouse as well. FML

by Whitley / 11/04/2010 at 11:17am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend peed her pants while we were sledding. I could feel it trickling down into my pants. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2010 at 3:03pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was doing karaoke with my girlfriend's family, when the 5 year old came over and shut off my microphone. FML

by shadowfigure / 01/23/2011 at 12:47am / United States (Alaska) / Kids

Today, I was the waiter for my family at the village inn. This wasn't so bad until I found out they left me no tip, only a napkin that said, "Get a haircut." FML

by alek / 07/14/2011 at 10:17am / United States / Work

Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML

by deeenalynn / 07/18/2011 at 12:22pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, a drunk crashed a truck into my porch. Shaken up, I was glad to see that so many of my neighbors had gathered around to comfort me. When the dust settled, I noticed my remaining porch furniture was missing. They weren't consoling me, they were casing the place. FML

by ypsitucky / 07/25/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to El Pollo Loco for the $10.00 special. I ordered from the pimple-faced kid at the register, pulled out two fives, and he said, "That'll be 9.70, I gave you the senior discount." I'm 10 years away from that. Thank you? FML

by Not That Old / 07/28/2011 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the engineers I work with believe that a woman with an engineering degree working in an engineering company is apparently equivalent to a "secretary for engineers." I am that woman. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2011 at 1:53am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, my husband's car was stolen from our driveway while he was out jogging. We'd recently had a huge fight, and he accused me of having done this to get revenge. I was at work all day, but it seems this doesn't make any difference to his dumb, paranoid ass. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2011 at 12:13pm / Singapore / Love

Today, my boyfriend informed me that the mother of his children, from whom he is not divorced yet, is moving back into his house because she broke up with her boyfriend and has nowhere to go. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2011 at 6:55am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, a lady told me her husband had sinus surgery. I replied, "Oh, I know someone who just had that done." I then realized I meant Alexis on The Real Housewives of the OC. FML

by gaagaa / 04/03/2012 at 11:53pm / United States / Miscellaneous