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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I finished my shift at the nursing home. There was too much snow on the roads, so most of us had to stay overnight. Not only did I not get to go home, I also got stuck sleeping in the same bed that a resident had died in the night before. FML

#20504938
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34610) - you deserved it (2362)

On 02/13/2013 at 12:20pm - work - by death bed (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I bought a fish. I put the tank on top of the fridge so my cat wouldn't get at it. I'd forgotten to buy some things for its tank, so I quickly ran out to get them. When I got home, I saw the tank destroyed on the floor, and my cat devouring my fish. I had the fish for less than an hour. FML

#20497647
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18287) - you deserved it (28457)

On 02/07/2013 at 10:58pm - animals - by fish killer - Canada

Today, in a public restroom, an elderly lady started bitching me out for not washing my hands. I was so intimidated that I did so under her accusing watch. I'm quite intolerant to many soaps, and I now have a horrible rash on my left hand because I was too frightened to explain. FML

#20695638
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43026) - you deserved it (17465)

On 05/30/2013 at 5:18pm - health - by :( (woman) - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, I was moving to my new apartment. I left some furniture outside as I drove to dump the first load at my new place. When I got back, everything was gone. Apparently, today is the day the donation truck was coming around to take everything we don't need. FML

#20768180
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50070) - you deserved it (24404)

On 07/07/2013 at 2:35am - misc - by lostmystuff (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home to find my parents wearing Santa hats and blasting Christmas music at full volume. So begins three months of hell. FML

#20898104
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41313) - you deserved it (4261)

On 09/27/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I went on what I thought was a date. After a wonderful night with a perfect gentleman, he told me how excited he is that he's moving in with his girlfriend next week, and thanked me for reassuring him that he doesn't want anyone but her. FML

#20950992
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53497) - you deserved it (3775)

On 11/09/2013 at 12:17am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML

#20970980
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43581) - you deserved it (8381)

On 11/26/2013 at 12:50am - love - by xHoho (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML

#21015718
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40481) - you deserved it (3561)

On 01/03/2014 at 5:36pm - misc - by estranger (woman) - United States

Today, I noticed that the condom in my wallet has been there so long it's left a mark. FML

Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

#21114115
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45851) - you deserved it (5545)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:18pm - love - by Foreveralone17362562 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML

#21104664
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39956) - you deserved it (4651)

On 04/04/2014 at 7:46pm - work - by King_of_hearts (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

#21246644
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39028) - you deserved it (7232)

On 08/27/2014 at 7:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I received an email from an angry parent, demanding that I give his daughter an A on a project which I had given her a 0 on. The project was to pick an article related to science and to write an essay on it. Hers was a hoax article relating to Ebola patients rising from the dead. FML

#21276337
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37806) - you deserved it (5552)

On 10/12/2014 at 4:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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