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Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML

#20970980
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42588) - you deserved it (8231)

On 11/26/2013 at 12:50am - love - by xHoho (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, while refereeing a soccer game, I was accused of being racist, blind, and a fascist by spectators. The game was played by a group of third graders. FML

#20957478
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37405) - you deserved it (2807)

On 11/14/2013 at 12:21pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML

#21015718
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39745) - you deserved it (3512)

On 01/03/2014 at 5:36pm - misc - by estranger (woman) - United States

Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

#21114115
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45094) - you deserved it (5477)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:18pm - love - by Foreveralone17362562 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while I was waiting at the bus stop, a car that looked like my mom's pulled up. Thinking it was actually her, I walked up and jokingly asked what she was into. The guy inside now thinks that I'm a prostitute. FML

#21142181
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37428) - you deserved it (16034)

On 05/16/2014 at 7:20pm - misc - by Female Struggles (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, it's been a few months since my grandfather passed away. Now all of his porn subscriptions are getting forwarded to my address. FML

#21246620
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38401) - you deserved it (3220)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:03pm - misc - by dr.mantistobagon (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I received an email from an angry parent, demanding that I give his daughter an A on a project which I had given her a 0 on. The project was to pick an article related to science and to write an essay on it. Hers was a hoax article relating to Ebola patients rising from the dead. FML

#21276337
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36616) - you deserved it (5437)

On 10/12/2014 at 4:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter wasn't feeling well, so we allowed her to sleep in bed with us. She snuggled right up with my husband. I felt a little jealous until she turned around and cuddled with me, just long enough to throw up all over me. She then flipped back over and snuggled with her dad. FML

#21314569
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33647) - you deserved it (3621)

On 12/09/2014 at 5:39pm - kids - by SickMaMa - United States (New York)

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML

#1429892
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18510) - you deserved it (52978)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:49pm - love - by ugh (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband's car was stolen from our driveway while he was out jogging. We'd recently had a huge fight, and he accused me of having done this to get revenge. I was at work all day, but it seems this doesn't make any difference to his dumb, paranoid ass. FML

#18120485
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28471) - you deserved it (6075)

On 10/31/2011 at 12:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I realized that the dog humping my leg was the most action I've gotten in months. FML

#5320
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44424) - you deserved it (7858)

On 02/02/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by a-non (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I greeted my table (I'm a server) with a colloquial "Hey there, guys, how's it going?" The customers were three butch lesbians who thought I was incorrectly identifying their gender. I received no tip (on a $35 bill), and they registered a corporate complaint about my "insensitivity." FML

#29316
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41807) - you deserved it (4554)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by ServingYouWings (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I thought I was going on a date. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold (like a true gentleman) it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: "oh, so both you and your brother are gay?" FML

#13786
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37470) - you deserved it (2687)

On 02/07/2009 at 6:33pm - misc - by max (man) - United States (New York)



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