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Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML

by anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 11:22am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my license to carry a gun expired because my manager forgot to renew it. As I'm an armored car guard, this is a problem. In order to keep getting hours, my company transferred me to the coin vault. I just finished moving 15000 lbs of boxed coins. By hand. I'm stuck doing this for a month. FML

Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML

by Username / 02/16/2012 at 6:30pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, a guy in a fancy car tailed me for twenty minutes, just so he could take a picture of my license plate and tell me there's a $300 fine for flicking cigarette ashes out your window. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2012 at 12:17pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, in my psychology class, the creepy guy who sits beside me every day leans over and says, "I have an upset stomach, I may have to use the bathroom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2012 at 12:48am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had food poisoning. When I was finally able to drag myself to the kitchen for some Gatorade, I got stung by a wasp. FML

by markzar / 05/05/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, my father, who's never played much part in my life, told me how proud he is of me. I choked back tears, and we hugged for the first time in years. Later, I choked back my rage when I saw he'd opened my mail and obviously planned on leeching my new-found SSI money off me. FML

by Natalie / 07/14/2012 at 12:46pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

by PieterseMJ / 11/02/2012 at 8:17am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Work

Today, I enjoyed a lovely family dinner, but my irritating grandma kept trying to buy my purse off me, and kept picking it up to look at it. When I got home I realized all my cash and cigarettes were gone. FML

by Brooklyn / 11/05/2012 at 5:11pm / United States (Oregon) / Money

Today, when I asked my boss why my bonus was cut in half, he replied, "I have no idea what you really do." I'm the IT Manager. FML

by Anon / 01/18/2013 at 12:53am / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, my co-worker told me that I need to quit smoking because it was making me look and smell horrible. I've never smoked in my life. FML

by Mattrd / 02/04/2013 at 7:42pm / United States / Health

Today, I bought a fish. I put the tank on top of the fridge so my cat wouldn't get at it. I'd forgotten to buy some things for its tank, so I quickly ran out to get them. When I got home, I saw the tank destroyed on the floor, and my cat devouring my fish. I had the fish for less than an hour. FML

by fish killer / 02/07/2013 at 10:58pm / Canada / Animals

Today, I called my fiancé just to tell him how much I love him, as a sweet gesture. He yelled at me for interrupting his video game and blamed my "neediness" on the fact that I'm menstruating. FML

by BellinaNico / 05/25/2013 at 12:40am / United States (Georgia) / Love