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Today, I was horseback riding. Somebody yelled something behind me, so I turned around. Next thing I know, I am on the ground and my head is killing me. It turns out I ran into a tree branch. The person behind me simply said, "Watch out." FML

by fyln00b / 07/03/2010 at 12:49am / Animals

Today, my new step-dad proposed to my mom during a family trip to Wal-Mart. FML

by Blank / 06/16/2010 at 10:22pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? He said his mom didn't want us together anymore. His mom died three years ago. FML

by Babygirl / 05/17/2010 at 7:01pm / Love

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend dumped me was because his parents don't like the fact that I go to a prestigious university. However, they're completely accepting of the drunken slob who's dating their daughter. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2011 at 3:17pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love

Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML

by fugachumi / 08/07/2011 at 4:08am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a baseball game. On the way in, I managed to trip and get stuck in the turnstile. It took five minutes of flailing and twisting around in front of hundreds of people before I managed to pull myself out. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2011 at 6:20pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML

by anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 11:22am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my boyfriend informed me that the mother of his children, from whom he is not divorced yet, is moving back into his house because she broke up with her boyfriend and has nowhere to go. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2011 at 6:55am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, a guy in a fancy car tailed me for twenty minutes, just so he could take a picture of my license plate and tell me there's a $300 fine for flicking cigarette ashes out your window. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2012 at 12:17pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, in my psychology class, the creepy guy who sits beside me every day leans over and says, "I have an upset stomach, I may have to use the bathroom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2012 at 12:48am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had food poisoning. When I was finally able to drag myself to the kitchen for some Gatorade, I got stung by a wasp. FML

by markzar / 05/05/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, my father, who's never played much part in my life, told me how proud he is of me. I choked back tears, and we hugged for the first time in years. Later, I choked back my rage when I saw he'd opened my mail and obviously planned on leeching my new-found SSI money off me. FML

by Natalie / 07/14/2012 at 12:46pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I enjoyed a lovely family dinner, but my irritating grandma kept trying to buy my purse off me, and kept picking it up to look at it. When I got home I realized all my cash and cigarettes were gone. FML

by Brooklyn / 11/05/2012 at 5:11pm / United States (Oregon) / Money