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Today, I figured out that a $40 phone case does not protect your $500 phone from a five year old throwing it off a fourth story balcony. FML

by eagerbeaver / 09/03/2009 at 12:37am / United States / Kids

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

by asdfjkl / 09/06/2009 at 1:27pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I stepped on the MacBook Air I purchased 4 days ago. The screen snapped in two, and I didn't buy insurance because I promised myself I would be "extra careful." $3500 well spent. FML

by AyDiosMio42 / 09/08/2009 at 2:31am / United States (New York) / Money

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2009 at 2:08am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend on her request because she "didn't have the heart to do it." Within twenty minutes I'd received 4 calls from mutual friends, including my best friend, telling me what a jerk I am. And one from my mom. FML

by Face_loser / 11/24/2009 at 3:11am / United States (California) / Love

Today, it was our 6 month anniversary. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present or take me out to dinner. Instead he cried to me about how much he hates his life while he repeatedly punched himself in the face. Then he dropped me off to spend time with his mom. FML

by michelleccali / 12/21/2009 at 5:32am / United States (California) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML

by StillHurt / 01/19/2010 at 1:44am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was in the checkout line at Foodmax around 11:30pm. Three girls behind me were buying Tequila, salt and some limes. I was buying frozen pizza and some toilet paper. They were going to an awesome party. I was going home to eat pizza by myself. FML

by joe / 08/08/2010 at 3:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was horseback riding. Somebody yelled something behind me, so I turned around. Next thing I know, I am on the ground and my head is killing me. It turns out I ran into a tree branch. The person behind me simply said, "Watch out." FML

by fyln00b / 07/03/2010 at 12:49am / Animals

Today, my new step-dad proposed to my mom during a family trip to Wal-Mart. FML

by Blank / 06/16/2010 at 10:22pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? He said his mom didn't want us together anymore. His mom died three years ago. FML

by Babygirl / 05/17/2010 at 7:01pm / Love

Today, I got back from a 3 and a half week trip to South Africa to do volunteer work with children in townships. My parents forgot to pick me up, and I had to sit there by myself and wait for them, while 80 people of the same organization got loving hugs from their proud parents. FML

by leonieNL / 08/12/2010 at 10:50am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Work

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend dumped me was because his parents don't like the fact that I go to a prestigious university. However, they're completely accepting of the drunken slob who's dating their daughter. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2011 at 3:17pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love