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Today, my boss gave me an autographed photo of himself after he heard that I think he's intimidatingly attractive. FML

#20743881
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36926) - you deserved it (8673)

On 06/24/2013 at 1:20am - work - by myfavoritesgouda (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML

#20725457
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57948) - you deserved it (3964)

On 06/14/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Cyprus (Limassol)

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML

#20739861
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25140) - you deserved it (63236) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/21/2013 at 6:18pm - love - by breeeeeh (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke up at 6am and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML

#20823044
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36958) - you deserved it (17788)

On 08/06/2013 at 12:01am - animals - by Tea_baggins (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

#20816318
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51664) - you deserved it (11162)

On 08/02/2013 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whyeventry? (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

#20818422
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60428) - you deserved it (5943)

On 08/03/2013 at 9:01am - misc - by zackeryburch - United States (California)

Today, my mum picked up a bunch of tissues that were scattered around my room. She examined them, then asked me to stop wasting her potential grandchildren. FML

#20825949
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48800) - you deserved it (39961)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, I received a lemon in a box in the mail. I didn't know from who it was, nor how he or she knows my address. There was a note on it: "When life gives you lemons, date me." FML

#20837021
189 comments

Today, I was playing with my phone after midnight, and I kept getting calls from a withheld number. The guy just breathed heavily and wouldn't speak. When the third call came, I asked "who the hell are you?" The call ended, and my dad yelled from outside my door: "ME! Now go to sleep!" FML

#20860349
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38061) - you deserved it (12912)

On 08/30/2013 at 1:24pm - kids - by thanks, dad... (woman) - Romania (Maramures)

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

#20914246
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32509) - you deserved it (6326)

On 10/09/2013 at 7:15pm - work - by Ellie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML

#20905869
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44998) - you deserved it (4692)

On 10/03/2013 at 11:38am - intimacy - by EconM - United States

Today, I was escorted out of a grocery store for beating my boyfriend with a block of cheese. FML

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

#20971381
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44789) - you deserved it (4724)

On 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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