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Today, my mom told me that if I wanted to commit suicide, I should make it seem like a car accident, and not do it in the house, because she would be too embarrassed if people thought she was a bad parent. FML

#21401085
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37187) - you deserved it (2805)

On 04/28/2015 at 9:26am - misc - by WasNotAdopted (man) - United States (California)

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

#482
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30620) - you deserved it (2610)

On 12/09/2008 at 10:09pm - love - by Clader - Sent from mobile version

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

#454917
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53828) - you deserved it (17536)

On 03/18/2009 at 10:57pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML

#832595
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53811) - you deserved it (16870)

On 04/06/2009 at 9:39am - health - by blahbags (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I met a new client in person for the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML

#813501
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17208) - you deserved it (60479)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:48am - work - by HDCkid (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boy friend said "you know who you remind me of? Sarah Palin." And then for the next 15 minutes continued to discuss how ugly she is. FML

#2401768
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48047) - you deserved it (3318)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:51pm - misc - by Jazzyfayyye (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I drove an hour in a rainstorm to go see my boyfriend. Thirty minutes and a blow job later, he tells me he's going to meet some friends for dinner in half an hour then kicks me out of his house. It's still raining. FML

#5069
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47360) - you deserved it (7097)

On 02/02/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by rained - Hong Kong

Today, at a strategy session my manager displayed a flow chart of his employees. I wasn't included. Apparently I had been fired and they forgot to tell me. FML

#85047
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55849) - you deserved it (2242)

On 02/20/2009 at 12:30am - work - by Noname (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my grandma and I were watching the Ranger's playoff game. As Henrik Lundqvist received a standing ovation from the crowd after blocking 38 shots, she says to me, "Check out his equipment!" My 80-year old grandma just commented on Henrik Lundqvist's package. FML

#1241991
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38218) - you deserved it (4635)

On 04/22/2009 at 9:46pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I figured out that a $40 phone case does not protect your $500 phone from a five year old throwing it off a fourth story balcony. FML

#5012990
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41400) - you deserved it (8428)

On 09/03/2009 at 12:37am - kids - by eagerbeaver (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he was the one who smelled. I did because we are that comfortable with us. After a couple of sniffs I heard laughter. I forgot I was sitting in his living room and his family was watching me the whole time. I am now the BO finder. FML

#4397930
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11769) - you deserved it (46701)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by broke_otaku (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I phoned one of the IT guys upstairs for help with my PC. He said it would only take a few minutes; and would just fix it through a direct connection from his computer to mine. Hours later; I was feeling devilish, and quickly checked out an adult website. Mr IT Guy was still connected. FML

#3955327
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7231) - you deserved it (61816)

On 07/22/2009 at 4:06pm - work - by debodave (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

#5081613
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33183) - you deserved it (5056)

On 09/06/2009 at 1:27pm - misc - by asdfjkl (woman) - United States (West Virginia)



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