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Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML

#20905869
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44905) - you deserved it (4684)

On 10/03/2013 at 11:38am - intimacy - by EconM - United States

Today, I had to pee during a supervised lockdown. I asked my teacher to take me since we couldn't be in the halls alone. Since class was going, she couldn't take me. Much to my dismay, she sent a school-wide email asking for someone to take me to pee. Six teachers took me, including my principal. FML

#20996748
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44045) - you deserved it (4711)

On 12/18/2013 at 4:56am - misc - by Anon - United States (California)

Today, I was escorted out of a grocery store for beating my boyfriend with a block of cheese. FML

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

#20971381
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44741) - you deserved it (4722)

On 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML

#21001182
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48163) - you deserved it (4771)

On 12/22/2013 at 10:36am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML

#21014860
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50707) - you deserved it (4170)

On 01/02/2014 at 10:50pm - love - by notakeeper - United States (Florida)

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

#21049393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40906) - you deserved it (8315)

On 02/03/2014 at 3:11pm - love - by Can't Believe It. - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

#21043704
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42544) - you deserved it (10941)

On 01/29/2014 at 12:13am - love - by freed - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found a Google search for "erectile dysfunction" in my browser search history, along with pages about treatments for it. I'm a woman, and I live alone. FML

#21049445
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44836) - you deserved it (3402)

On 02/03/2014 at 4:16pm - misc - by jai90 (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

#21087156
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45800) - you deserved it (8618)

On 03/15/2014 at 8:21am - kids - by emergencyroom (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my Game of Thrones addicted girlfriend decided to name my penis Tyrion Lannister. FML

#21101155
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40847) - you deserved it (6764)

On 03/31/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by off to the whorehouse, then (man) - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war. Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style. FML

#21128082
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23607) - you deserved it (34210)

On 05/01/2014 at 4:10pm - work - by Mortifiedcharityworker (woman) - Austria

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

#21151127
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47342) - you deserved it (7208)

On 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm - misc - by great 1st impression (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)



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