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Today, I was home alone in my apartment. I tripped over my dresser and fell and sprained my ankle. As I was laying there in agonizing pain, my downstairs neighbor shouted at me to shut up. FML

by ow / 06/13/2011 at 1:39am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has been having an intimate text exchange with a woman. She's the grieving widow of his friend who died three weeks ago. FML

by TheGoodTwin / 07/14/2011 at 11:53am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I picked off what I thought was a small bug feeding on my skin. I was wrong. It was a mole. I spent the last 30 minutes trying to stop the continuous bleeding. FML

by c.hip / 08/18/2011 at 11:22pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I finally landed a new job, and thinking he would be proud, I told my boyfriend. Instead of congratulating me, he got mad that my work hours include Saturday, his laundry day. FML

by shampoogirl / 08/26/2011 at 2:26pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML

by Anonymous / 09/29/2011 at 1:44pm / United States / Work

Today, my license to carry a gun expired because my manager forgot to renew it. As I'm an armored car guard, this is a problem. In order to keep getting hours, my company transferred me to the coin vault. I just finished moving 15000 lbs of boxed coins. By hand. I'm stuck doing this for a month. FML

Today, the only card I got for Valentine's Day was in my mother's handwriting, and she posted it through the front door herself. She still won't admit it's from her. FML

by ThanksMum / 02/14/2012 at 6:56am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I realized that with all the money I've spent on repairs for my iPhone through the months, I could have bought a phone that doesn't die horribly whenever I so much as give it a mean look. FML

by anonymous / 02/18/2012 at 5:07pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money

Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML

by Username / 02/16/2012 at 6:30pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I fell asleep on the couch while babysitting. When the kids' parents came home, they made fake crying noises to see if I would wake up. I slept like a baby, and by the time they finally roused me, I'd left a nice drool stain on the armrest. FML

by whatnow / 03/31/2012 at 10:52pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, after having loaned my girlfriend money after she claimed to be broke and unable to pay her rent and electricity bills, she went out, spent it all on a new purse and phone, and now refuses to pay me back. FML

by asparagus piss / 10/19/2012 at 1:05pm / United States (Georgia) / Money

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

by PieterseMJ / 11/02/2012 at 8:17am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Work

Today, one of my regulars approached me at work, arms extended for a hug. He's always in a bad mood, so I figured for once he wasn't grumpy and I enthusiastically hugged him. Turns out he was just stretching his arms. He told me I was crazy and pretty much ran out of my store. FML

by MLAA / 09/24/2012 at 8:52pm / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.