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Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70142) - you deserved it (10306)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

#1751488
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81538) - you deserved it (24875)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

#2508726
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38889) - you deserved it (64536)

On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML

#15617038
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (113778) - you deserved it (8022)

On 04/03/2011 at 4:06am - intimacy - by Now Single - Reserved

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 2 hours with my boyfriend and the guy that I have been secretly having an affair with for 6 months. FML

#5470
354 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46510) - you deserved it (378379)

On 02/02/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

#391986
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (186565) - you deserved it (36145)

On 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by ihatevideos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

#19207930
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32230) - you deserved it (9833)

On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

#15619603
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73012) - you deserved it (5899)

On 04/03/2011 at 11:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

#15962479
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46578) - you deserved it (4945)

On 04/28/2011 at 11:53am - animals - by Cecilly2010 -

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

#16258570
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35671) - you deserved it (21538)

On 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Devon (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

#4201087
403 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67343) - you deserved it (15400)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

#13293107
347 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43303) - you deserved it (9853)

On 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm - kids - by blah blah daddy - United States (California)

Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML

#7609277
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45992) - you deserved it (13130)

On 01/27/2010 at 8:35am - intimacy - by chanclepants - Sent from mobile version



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