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Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

#16661334
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14042) - you deserved it (60940)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm - money - by notinthebutt (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

#1183815
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38161) - you deserved it (97391)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

#3842566
436 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37821) - you deserved it (98285)

On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I introduced my first serious boyfriend to my mother over dinner. He is Asian. My mom insisted on calling him "Ching Chong". His name is Kevin. FML

#16918734
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51514) - you deserved it (4758)

On 06/30/2011 at 3:24am - misc - by asianlover (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML

#17206347
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43919) - you deserved it (10823)

On 07/21/2011 at 5:24pm - love - by toni405 - United States

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32937) - you deserved it (4901)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML

#9110965
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43111) - you deserved it (8739)

On 03/15/2010 at 7:22pm - love - by Satan (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML

#16464662
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55891) - you deserved it (4277)

On 06/02/2011 at 5:45am - health - by meyo555 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

#18671217
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49656) - you deserved it (3462)

On 01/01/2012 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

#17338982
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45292) - you deserved it (14964)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:58am - kids - by ohcrap - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

#19475030
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20967) - you deserved it (39602)

On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML

#18200253
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59388) - you deserved it (8748)

On 11/09/2011 at 7:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML

#19263580
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35202) - you deserved it (5479)

On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)



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