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Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

#278783
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52519) - you deserved it (98499)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

#2796637
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80730) - you deserved it (22701)

On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

#800425
349 comments

I agree, your life sucks (292713) - you deserved it (19265)

On 04/04/2009 at 2:15pm - intimacy - by GuitarChick42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

#20179890
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31119) - you deserved it (3548)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm - misc - by Teddy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

#3019033
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11737) - you deserved it (111885)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML

#2829311
397 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62744) - you deserved it (12248)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm - love - by unicorn (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML

#981592
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95639) - you deserved it (39077)

On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for halloween. He said "Single". FML

#13610925
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44716) - you deserved it (4708)

On 10/27/2010 at 2:01am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

#20160628
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39052) - you deserved it (2722)

On 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by Heather - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML

#992222
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (128880) - you deserved it (7564)

On 04/15/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by SwimSquid (woman) - United States (Florida)



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