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Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (84680) - you deserved it (4526)
On 06/04/2009 at 8:17am - kids - by Kimmiko (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)
Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML
I agree, your life sucks (171932) - you deserved it (24850)
On 03/15/2009 at 9:14pm - money - by twit (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML
I agree, your life sucks (64755) - you deserved it (5045)
On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24542) - you deserved it (9703)
On 12/10/2012 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to "cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair". FML
I agree, your life sucks (56413) - you deserved it (5094)
On 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72902) - you deserved it (5696)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by demk (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mom, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML
I agree, your life sucks (144) - you deserved it (6023)
On 11/11/2012 at 5:48pm - love - by notalovestory (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40573) - you deserved it (30569)
On 02/02/2010 at 3:30pm - kids - by fuckmylife (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (114823) - you deserved it (21986)
On 03/27/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by rejected (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, 'I wish you liked anal.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (15867) - you deserved it (27896)
On 11/12/2010 at 11:31am - intimacy - by lisacasabonita (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23599) - you deserved it (2905)
On 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm - misc - by Teddy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55397) - you deserved it (10551)
On 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm - love - by unicorn (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45840) - you deserved it (81875)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)
Monday 20 May 2013
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