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Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33131) - you deserved it (144572)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

#265039
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (239574) - you deserved it (14814)

On 03/10/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by TuralSucks (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

#20168405
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38160) - you deserved it (5672)

On 11/18/2012 at 5:53pm - intimacy - by besviken (woman) - Sweden (Uppsala Lan)

Today, I need to find a way to explain to my 5, 7 and 12 year old kids their uncle wants to become their aunt. FML

#13773002
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51180) - you deserved it (9769)

On 11/09/2010 at 12:32am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML

#13961788
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33177) - you deserved it (10904)

On 11/24/2010 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Heyy - United States (Washington)

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

#5550225
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64539) - you deserved it (4720)

On 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by P0wned (man) - France (Bretagne)

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

#13896400
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36831) - you deserved it (12457)

On 11/19/2010 at 2:47am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

#14305984
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40875) - you deserved it (8676)

On 12/23/2010 at 1:36am - intimacy - by nemo518 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

#2932416
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73089) - you deserved it (5403)

On 06/16/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Tim (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my friend and I told each other about our boyfriends. They're both nice, kind, beautiful, talented, funny, sweet and smart. They also both have the same name. And house. And job. And car. FML

#20196037
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41664) - you deserved it (2771)

On 12/08/2012 at 5:44am - love - by ouch. - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

#1033363
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35997) - you deserved it (310896)

On 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by tvaladie (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

#142795
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (256933) - you deserved it (60045)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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