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Sunday 19 April 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

#21395300
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20341) - you deserved it (2411)

On 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I had to get a colonoscopy. Which wouldn't have been so bad if they had removed the camera from my rectum before waking me up. FML

#21395025
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23691) - you deserved it (1578)

On 04/17/2015 at 12:56am - health - by Camera - United States (California)

Today, I coughed so hard that I fractured two ribs. FML

#21395325
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20961) - you deserved it (1650)

On 04/17/2015 at 5:47pm - health - by rachlette (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got into an argument with my racist brother after he opened his god damn stupid mouth in front of my girlfriend. He actually tried to convince me that he's not a racist, because one of his favorite types of porn is black girls getting fucked by white guys. FML

#21395531
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17333) - you deserved it (1480)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:57am - misc - by assault and imnotracistbuttery (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on a date with a girl I like. Afterwards, I drove her home, and we just sat there awkwardly. I thought she wanted to kiss me but was nervous, so I jokingly said "What're you waiting for? Christmas?" I guess she took that as a "Get the hell out", because she broke into tears and left. FML

#21395685
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11148) - you deserved it (12418)

On 04/18/2015 at 10:38am - love - by fuck (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the dentist for the first time in years. His first comment upon inspecting my teeth: "Meth. Hell of a drug." FML

#21395729
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12589) - you deserved it (4588)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

#21392908
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24822) - you deserved it (4877)

On 04/13/2015 at 11:23am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my boss showed me a two-page letter from a customer, complaining about me because I couldn't honor a coupon that expired in 2009. He agreed that I did the right thing by refusing it, but said it would be a black mark on my record anyway due to the complaint. FML

#21395274
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19675) - you deserved it (1171)

On 04/17/2015 at 3:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Argentina

Today, my fiancé freaked when he noticed the tattoo on my wrist, and demanded to know when I got it. It was two years before we even started dating. FML

#21395494
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18325) - you deserved it (1413)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:12pm - love - by pandapantsMD (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML

#21395495
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19954) - you deserved it (1310)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:15pm - health - by khaoslife - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML

#21395798
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7931) - you deserved it (1152)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:34pm - animals - by thisisnotavirustrustme.exe (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that the only reason my parents have been letting me hang out with my friends so late is so they can search my room for drugs. FML

#21395867
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8819) - you deserved it (846)

On 04/18/2015 at 7:55pm - misc - by Armstrong (man) - United States (Texas)



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