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Saturday 25 October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked into the kitchen at the exact moment my uncle decided to bend over in short shorts. Apparently, his ballsack decided it needed extra room, because it dangled out of his pant leg. FML

#21283844
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26596) - you deserved it (2073)

On 10/23/2014 at 4:05pm - misc - by Alexismaria - United States

Today, as my boyfriend left my house, I gave him a long, tight hug. So tight that he threw up. FML

Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML

Today, I dressed up in my nicest clothes and spent ages putting makeup on before going to a nightclub, hoping to meet someone nice. The only person who acknowledged me was a guy who yelled, "Hey, wanna fuck?! Not like anyone else would ever touch you, am I right?!" FML

#21283051
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28084) - you deserved it (3393)

On 10/22/2014 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, I got in an argument with my teacher for always comparing me to my sister that she had a few years before. After I said, "I'm not my sister so please stop comparing me to her," she responded, "Of course you're not your sister, I actually like your sister." FML

#21283210
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27344) - you deserved it (4073)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:55pm - misc - by Not so much of a teachers pet - United States

Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML

#21284031
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20798) - you deserved it (3447)

On 10/23/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I came out as bisexual to my friends via group message. They didn't respond; I had a panic attack. An hour later, one of my friends texted back, "k". FML

Today, my sister ended her long and extremely annoying crush on Justin Bieber. I can only hope one day my girlfriend will end hers too. FML

#21282066
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27908) - you deserved it (3140)

On 10/20/2014 at 10:29pm - love - by DanTheMan (man) -

Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

#21282364
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27301) - you deserved it (2652)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:41am - kids - by Bald (man) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

#21282479
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27053) - you deserved it (3218)

On 10/21/2014 at 4:13pm - misc - by Airplane crap - United States (Kansas)

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

#21282666
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13525) - you deserved it (20908)

On 10/21/2014 at 8:36pm - misc - by Awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

#21283044
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28962) - you deserved it (3154)

On 10/22/2014 at 10:47am - animals - by MouserMan - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had sex for the first time with my first boyfriend. We broke up 6 years ago. FML



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