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Thursday 24 April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML

#21118642
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31198) - you deserved it (8420)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:03am - kids - by kelly.duggan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the sandwich shop I work in. A customer came in and requested an assorted sub. As I finished putting on the sauces, I looked up to see the customer's face set in horror. Apparently I didn't notice that I licked my fingers clean after getting some mayonnaise on them. FML

#21120360
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9653) - you deserved it (34666)

On 04/22/2014 at 10:40pm - work - by NoGlovesNoChance - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

#21119972
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26763) - you deserved it (3129)

On 04/22/2014 at 2:59pm - kids - by wah wah "you raised him" (man) - United States (California)

Today, I met a cute guy, and everything went great. After a while, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Now he won't stop texting me, asking for pictures of my toes. FML

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

#21118643
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34104) - you deserved it (4657)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Taylor - United States (Iowa)

Today, I used a facial mask for super sensitive skin, recommended by several friends with similar skin issues. Apparently, when the warning says, "May cause some slight redness for thirty minutes", it really means, "Your face will have hives and swell to twice its normal size for several hours." FML

#21119632
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30076) - you deserved it (3382)

On 04/22/2014 at 1:31am - health - by Tomatoe Face - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. I walked across campus, shoe-less and in nothing but my bathrobe, to find someone who could let me back in. Turns out I hadn't even shut the door properly and so it never actually locked. I can still hear the guy laughing at me. FML

#21120721
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20243) - you deserved it (6929)

On 04/23/2014 at 10:54am - misc - by killmenow (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML

#21121256
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10436) - you deserved it (1572)

On 04/23/2014 at 10:21pm - misc - by Quackadoodledoo (man) - United Kingdom (Barnet)

Today, on a train, I nearly choked while sleeping with my mouth wide open. The little old lady sitting opposite me was entertaining herself by throwing little pieces of balled-up tin foil into my mouth. FML

#21121576
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8634) - you deserved it (1332) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/24/2014 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonyme - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)



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