Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Friday 31 October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML

#21287120
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24543) - you deserved it (1870)

On 10/28/2014 at 5:58pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

#21287621
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30931) - you deserved it (2234)

On 10/29/2014 at 11:24am - misc - by carless - United States

Today, my skinny co-worker complained that sitting just underneath the AC vent was making her too cold. My boss had us switch places, because "your mass keeps you warm anyway". FML

#21288043
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20327) - you deserved it (2908)

On 10/29/2014 at 10:41pm - work - by OfficeFatty - United States

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I recently came home from college to visit my family, after my mother had a stroke a few weeks back. She ended up being the only person who remembered to get me anything. She also thinks it's still 2009. FML

#21286282
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31567) - you deserved it (2661)

On 10/27/2014 at 12:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

#21286665
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25219) - you deserved it (4359)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:00pm - health - by Discipl (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML

#21287010
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27264) - you deserved it (2531)

On 10/28/2014 at 2:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my dad vehemently refused to let me go on vacation to France with my best friend, because he watched Taken a few months ago and apparently forgot that it's just a movie. FML

#21287659
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23649) - you deserved it (3071)

On 10/29/2014 at 1:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I reprimanded three students for sleeping, five for not having books, and kicked three out for texting in class. One student yelled at me for a bad grade, and another stormed out for a failing exam score. I teach at a four-year university. FML

Today, I've been one year sober. My health has improved a lot, unlike my social life, which has died a horrible, lonely death. FML

#21286990
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25789) - you deserved it (3457)

On 10/28/2014 at 2:04pm - health - by not drunk (woman) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)

Today, my mom talked to me and my brother about how great it was that our cousin was getting away from drugs and becoming sober, as he would have so many more opportunities opened up for him now. She explained all this while sitting on our patio, smoking a blunt. FML

#21287196
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25695) - you deserved it (2648)

On 10/28/2014 at 7:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got sick at school. When someone called my mom for permission for me to leave, she told them she doesn't have a daughter and to never call that number again. FML

#21288116
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22450) - you deserved it (1497)

On 10/29/2014 at 11:58pm - misc - by thealaskanyoung - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7311) - you deserved it (5265)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique mirror after discovering a stack of papers behind the back board. I finally got hold of one corner, and pulled out - a newspaper from 2007 and instructions for an IKEA bed. FML

#21286426
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23593) - you deserved it (3878)

On 10/27/2014 at 5:18pm - misc - by TukTuk (woman) - Germany (Sachsen)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: