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Friday 18 April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend turned down a job that would have more than doubled his income because he didn't want to upset his current boss by quitting. FML

Today, it's my birthday. The only people who wished me a happy birthday were the ones who saw the "birthday boy" poster my sister plastered around school, which included a photo of me as a kid dressed up as a girl. FML

#21114561
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30092) - you deserved it (2662)

On 04/16/2014 at 1:24pm - misc - by birthdaygirl - United States (California)

Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML

#21114779
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31071) - you deserved it (2541)

On 04/16/2014 at 6:03pm - intimacy - by MILF (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I sat and watched the CEO of DreamWorks on TV misuse words such as "quantum". He's filthy rich, whereas I'm a savagely underpaid gardener. FML

Today, I went to a restaurant for a friend's birthday. There were two very attractive waiters. They waited until I went to the toilet to sit down, talk to my friends and hit on them. They promptly left upon my return. Men avoid me. FML

#21114882
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28300) - you deserved it (3044)

On 04/16/2014 at 8:00pm - love - by kittykat798 (woman) - United Kingdom (Dundee City)

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML

#21115090
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30166) - you deserved it (2270)

On 04/16/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by exasperated (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm 25 years old, I've got an education and I only now found out in front of 15 people that, no, sparrows are not small pigeons that are going to grow up. FML

#21115335
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12868) - you deserved it (21740) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/17/2014 at 6:37am - animals - by pablito - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment I cried out for him to go harder. He had an exasperated expression on his face, and in an adamantly offended tone he said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he stopped and left the room. FML

#21115855
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11195) - you deserved it (1414)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by belljars (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was looking at the map on my phone whilst walking down a street. I heard the sound of a bike behind me so I moved to let the cyclist past. He snatched the phone out of my hand and sped off. FML

#21113059
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31691) - you deserved it (3881)

On 04/14/2014 at 7:43pm - misc - by stupidcunt (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, while I was waiting for the bus, I was whistling. I saw a cute girl running and I looked at my phone so it didn't seem too awkward. I was still whistling as she passed by so it sounded like I whistled at her. She ran back to slap me. FML

#21113376
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31682) - you deserved it (5284)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:24am - misc - by heycutie - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized that the only female who shows any sexual interest in me at all is my 70-year-old neighbor. FML

#21113897
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30846) - you deserved it (3028)

On 04/15/2014 at 5:55pm - love - by gerontofuck (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML

#21114019
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26607) - you deserved it (3929)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:20pm - kids - by Someone (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my ex-husband came to pick up our two kids for his weekend with them. Seeing his new girlfriend was in the car, and desperate for conversation, I asked her name. My kids unhesitatingly blurted out, "Mom". FML

#21115862
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12309) - you deserved it (994)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:31pm - kids - by mommy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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Thursday 10 April 2014

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