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Saturday 17 May 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

#21137389
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59950) - you deserved it (5137)

On 05/12/2014 at 1:17am - kids - by kids -

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

#21139824
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42109) - you deserved it (15764)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

#21147237
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47018) - you deserved it (4030)

On 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, one of my year 9 students finished the test an hour early. He decided to spend the time by "stealthily" whacking off. His entire desk was shaking in a silent room. FML

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

#21137819
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47010) - you deserved it (6116)

On 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm - misc - by Jarool - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

#21140956
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32846) - you deserved it (52607)

On 05/15/2014 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by FLIPmcCOOL - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

#21142020
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42592) - you deserved it (9086)

On 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

#21139954
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45017) - you deserved it (6637)

On 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by oh god. - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

#21145558
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45808) - you deserved it (5293)

On 05/19/2014 at 8:00pm - kids - by Baby eater - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML

Today, three different strangers stopped me on the street and asked if I was Brad Pitt. Either there's some kind of conspiracy going on, or I'm the world's ugliest woman. FML

#21137630
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52131) - you deserved it (5116)

On 05/12/2014 at 10:38am - misc - by Lookalike (woman) - United States (West Virginia)



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