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Wednesday 12 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today.. . I ad satanic gastric distress . Attempting to make ligt of tis fact.. . and.. . being incredibly bord an seemingly alone at work.. . I managd to fart te intro to "Smoke on te Water" perfectly . Somebody clappd . FML

Today, I was out wit ma girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approaced and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me looool by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, te guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking im." FML

#21059471
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46537) - you deserved it (6575)

On 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, I was grading work mah students had done with a sub . I realized one student had gotten hold of the teachers' edition of the textbook when I read ten papers in a row that had "Student answers may vary" as the answer to problem number four . My students can't even cheat properly . FML

#21061154
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51165) - you deserved it (5083)

On 02/15/2014 at 2:11am - work - by chinaski7628 - United States (California)

TODAY TRYING TO BE A RESPONSIBLE PARENT I BOUGHT MAH DAUGHTER A PACK OF CONDOMS IN CASE SHE EVER DECIDED TO HAVE SEX . SHE TURNED THEM INTO BALLOON ANIMALS AND WENT BACK TO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES . FML

#21059009
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31669) - you deserved it (47844)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today in the very middle of the night mah kitten startd rubbing against mah face!! Thinking I saw her face in the darkness I decidd to kiss her before going back to bd!! My lips made contact with her butthole!! FML

#21058991
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48744) - you deserved it (17746)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:20am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I Told Mah Husband How Frisky I Was Feeling, An Asked Him Wat He Was Going To Do About It. He Reached Into Our Fruit Bowl, Tossed Me A Banana An Told Me To Work It Out, Then Returned To His Video Game. FML

#21061692
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52772) - you deserved it (7856)

On 02/15/2014 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

TODAY HOUSE IS ON LOCKDOWN . I RECENTLY MOVED TO GEORGIA FROM RHODE ISLAND TO BE WITH BOYFRIEND . THE STATE IS ON HIGH ALERT FOR AN ICE STORM . I'M STUCK INSIDE WITH TERRIFIED BOYFRIEND , WHO'S CALLING IT "THE STORM OF THE CENTURY" . I USED TO WALK TO SCHOOL IN THIS WEATHER . FML

#21058111
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48023) - you deserved it (5503)

On 02/12/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by Stuck - United States (Georgia)

yesterday out of boredom I built cat a little fort!! Later I decided to crawl inside to pet her but as soon as I stuck head in she clawed me!! I guess I'm not allowed in then!! real FML

#21061796
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38904) - you deserved it (8545)

On 02/15/2014 at 7:50pm - animals - by unloved cat owner - United States (California)

Today , mah brother and I took our cars to get oil changes. looool While we were there , a guy asked if we were dating. When we told him we were siblings , he responded with , ( So? ) FML

TODAY... I RAN OUT OF TOILET PAPER. I YELLED FROM THE BATHROOM 4 MAH PARENTS TO BRING ME SOME TOILET PAPER. MY DAD SLIPPED ONE TINY PIECE OF TOILET PAPER UNDER THE DOOR AND BOOMED... "THE FINAL TEST." BIG FAT FML

#21058095
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39478) - you deserved it (5223)

On 02/12/2014 at 12:57pm - misc - by airhead2015 (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I Got Into A Sligt Spot Of Sit Wit My New Boss Over Is Speec . Apparently E Was Not Actually Impersonating Sylvester Te Cat, And E Just As A Speec Impediment . Wen I Jokingly Said "sufferin' Succotas" To Im, E Wasn't Pleasd At All . FML

#21056453
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20594) - you deserved it (38709)

On 02/10/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I proudly informd my grandma tat I now ave a girlfriend. My grandpa overeard an said ow surprising tat was, given ow expensive blowup dolls are. He an my grandma ten bot laugd out loud. FML

#21061712
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44107) - you deserved it (5663)

On 02/15/2014 at 6:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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