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Wednesday 5 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

#21057121
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47684) - you deserved it (8063)

On 02/11/2014 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

#21050455
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49449) - you deserved it (4984)

On 02/04/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by DeeDee - Austria (Wien)

Today, I was breast feeding my son. Out of nowhere, he bit my nipple hard, causing me to scream in pain. He giggled with my nipple still between his teeth. FML

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

#21055293
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35186) - you deserved it (6258)

On 02/09/2014 at 12:00pm - misc - by jigglepuff - United States (Arizona)

Today, Facebook put something out that shows a video of your entire life on the website. A part of it showed your most popular status update. Mine was from when I got dumped at Christmas. FML

#21050703
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47555) - you deserved it (4861)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:25pm - love - by BigLove (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at the library, working with some classmates on our major semester project. I accidentally killed power to the row of computers by me. I've never had so many enraged faces looking at me before. FML

#21052823
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34956) - you deserved it (14868)

On 02/06/2014 at 10:07pm - work - by AnonymousQuagga - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that when one of my toddlers throws up, the other sympathy-pukes too, and that this continues until they're both empty. I guess my car is going to stink of vomit for a while. FML

#21057222
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40476) - you deserved it (3241)

On 02/11/2014 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML

#21058081
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45796) - you deserved it (3957)

On 02/12/2014 at 12:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey on my breast. To be fair I decided to give him a hickey on his chest. He was so worried about catching shit from the guys on his swim team that he dislocated my jaw trying to get me off him. FML

Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML

#21053604
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22730) - you deserved it (48548)

On 02/07/2014 at 6:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a swim meet. I asked my friend if he could be my wingman and help me get a date with a girl I really liked. I told him my plan, and as I finished and turned to go to her, I noticed her standing right there, listening in on the whole conversation. FML

#21055088
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41794) - you deserved it (12051)

On 02/09/2014 at 2:12am - love - by look before you speak - United States

Today, I watched the Sochi Winter Games online. Excited by an athlete's victory, I yelled out, "YEAH!" to 20-or-so silent coworkers. As if to redeem myself, I then said, "Don't pretend like you're all working you lot!" Our boss was right behind me. FML

#21057961
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23487) - you deserved it (35233) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/12/2014 at 4:47am - work - by Anonyme - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

#21050427
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39628) - you deserved it (4056)

On 02/04/2014 at 4:42pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)



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