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Wednesday 5 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

#21054738
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52810) - you deserved it (6002)

On 02/08/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by O_o - United States (California)

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

#21055858
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45098) - you deserved it (14698) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm - intimacy - by vegas-81 - France

Today, I got into a slight spot of shit with my new boss over his speech. Apparently he was not actually impersonating Sylvester the Cat, and he just has a speech impediment. When I jokingly said "sufferin' succotash" to him, he wasn't pleased at all. FML

#21056453
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20567) - you deserved it (38623)

On 02/10/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, the boy who sits next to me in class accidentally dropped his sketch pad. It turns out he's really talented at drawing portraits. They're so good that I could recognize myself in all of them. FML

#21058436
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45601) - you deserved it (7084)

On 02/12/2014 at 8:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend of three weeks basically threatened to kill herself if I don't start thinking about having a child with her soon. FML

#21049518
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55406) - you deserved it (6343)

On 02/03/2014 at 5:47pm - love - by well i'm fucked (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mother-in-law tried to "accidentally" run me over. FML

#21052599
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43397) - you deserved it (3808)

On 02/06/2014 at 6:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML

#21056743
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42995) - you deserved it (9049)

On 02/10/2014 at 10:16pm - animals - by alii2349 - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, a woman pushed a stroller in front of my car. Thinking I'd hit someone, I jumped out. Turns out it was a doll. The "woman" was a 14-year-old girl, claiming, "I did it for the Vine!" FML

#21058421
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50034) - you deserved it (3944)

On 02/12/2014 at 7:52pm - misc - by Parusu - United States (Florida)

Today, I accidentally asked the cashier at Wendy's how much their 99 cent chicken nuggets were. I guess he is still laughing at me. FML

#21056193
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35895) - you deserved it (18799)

On 02/10/2014 at 10:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

#21058247
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60497) - you deserved it (4476)

On 02/12/2014 at 4:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

#21050725
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35925) - you deserved it (40407)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:48pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

#21054343
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41797) - you deserved it (5700)

On 02/08/2014 at 12:13pm - misc - by so scared - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a robin flew into my window and died. My mom, being a biology teacher, thought it would be a great experience for my brother and me to dissect it on the kitchen table. She threatened to ground us if we didn't do it. FML

#21054692
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42897) - you deserved it (3861)

On 02/08/2014 at 6:24pm - animals - by sciencesadness (man) - United States (Washington)



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