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Wednesday 29 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

#21044971
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49652) - you deserved it (6231)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

#21046533
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54045) - you deserved it (6002) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm - intimacy - by prochainefois (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML

#21051355
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41331) - you deserved it (21499)

On 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm - kids - by Evolution mama (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

#21043704
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42559) - you deserved it (10945)

On 01/29/2014 at 12:13am - love - by freed - United States (Ohio)

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

#21049393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40915) - you deserved it (8315)

On 02/03/2014 at 3:11pm - love - by Can't Believe It. - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found a Google search for "erectile dysfunction" in my browser search history, along with pages about treatments for it. I'm a woman, and I live alone. FML

#21049445
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44841) - you deserved it (3403)

On 02/03/2014 at 4:16pm - misc - by jai90 (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

#21045407
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40835) - you deserved it (4439)

On 01/30/2014 at 5:46pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, after years of counseling and therapy for my anger issues, I snapped. Two words: Flappy Bird. FML

#21051812
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44028) - you deserved it (13108)

On 02/05/2014 at 10:39pm - misc - by tigerisabelle (woman) -

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

#21046154
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46932) - you deserved it (4002)

On 01/31/2014 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

#21049132
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41020) - you deserved it (3806)

On 02/03/2014 at 8:29am - health - by Sleepless (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

#21046394
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43120) - you deserved it (8204)

On 01/31/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML

#21050194
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53725) - you deserved it (6634)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:50am - kids - by LadyDeadpool88 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

#21050614
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37970) - you deserved it (7123)

On 02/04/2014 at 8:03pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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