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Friday 24 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

#21041278
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43810) - you deserved it (13384)

On 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by sabz21 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

#21044971
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52845) - you deserved it (6582)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

#21046533
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59290) - you deserved it (6558) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm - intimacy - by prochainefois (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

#21043704
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45307) - you deserved it (11691)

On 01/29/2014 at 12:13am - love - by freed - United States (Ohio)

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

#21040159
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47346) - you deserved it (9686)

On 01/25/2014 at 11:29pm - kids - by mom - United States (Texas)

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

#21046394
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45842) - you deserved it (8636)

On 01/31/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

#21046154
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49968) - you deserved it (4272)

On 01/31/2014 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was playing with my little nephew and began to tickle him playfully, even though I know he doesn't like to be tickled. When I was done, he looked me straight in the eye, punched me in the groin, and told me, "No one tickles me". He's six. FML

#21034458
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28097) - you deserved it (43288)

On 01/20/2014 at 10:34pm - kids - by Ginger_Gawd - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML

#21044260
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56329) - you deserved it (17897)

On 01/29/2014 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wrexham)

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

#21037822
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44230) - you deserved it (4833)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46460) - you deserved it (16813)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)



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