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Monday 6 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

#21020996
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59463) - you deserved it (25798)

On 01/08/2014 at 12:43am - intimacy - by gottacatchemall (woman) - United States

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46291) - you deserved it (8711)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

#21025234
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56630) - you deserved it (5689)

On 01/12/2014 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

#21025946
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53422) - you deserved it (32418)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

#21024543
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45745) - you deserved it (4923)

On 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, my dog found out how to turn my Xbox off. So whenever he wants attention, guess what he does. FML

#21019316
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49382) - you deserved it (17594)

On 01/06/2014 at 6:00pm - animals - by Z3R0G5 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

#21020901
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47683) - you deserved it (5083)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:37pm - misc - by bear food - United States (California)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

#21021758
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46958) - you deserved it (4500)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm - misc - by loganHchrist - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21025933
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31737) - you deserved it (39353)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

#21026318
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21793) - you deserved it (48552)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

#21021456
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59570) - you deserved it (4352)

On 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by stalked - United States (Florida)

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

#21021931
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39521) - you deserved it (12382)

On 01/08/2014 at 10:23pm - misc - by chapstick (man) - United States (California)

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

#21026645
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49586) - you deserved it (4485)

On 01/13/2014 at 3:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



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