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Friday 20 December 2013

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Today, my mom called to bestow upon me warm holiday pearls of wisdom: "I hope you aren't giving everyone your natural handmade eco-shit again. Gifts should be returnable. And have a price." FML

Today, my husband called me from the store, trying to decide whether or not to buy the new games console he's been wanting. I'd already purchased one and hid it, ready for Christmas Day. I couldn't talk him into not buying himself one. There goes a $500 surprise. FML

by pissed / 12/17/2013 at 4:17pm / United States / Money

Today, my boyfriend dumped me via Facebook. I cared more about the spelling mistakes he made than the actual message. FML

by dana / 12/16/2013 at 5:43pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, my mother gave me a Christmas present for the first time in 15 years: a dog. Her 16-year-old, untrained, mean dog who wears diapers. FML

by Eri_Midori / 12/24/2013 at 9:57pm / United States (California) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was helping my mom look for some money she'd misplaced. At my wit's end, I flipped through her diary, in case she'd hidden it between the pages as she has before. Didn't find the money, but I did find out she might well be cheating on my dad. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2013 at 1:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered my mom has been using my credit card to buy everyone's Christmas presents. FML

by anonymous / 12/17/2013 at 12:02am / United States (Minnesota) / Money

Today, I did the "walk of shame" sixteen blocks. It wouldn't have been so bad if the sidewalks and streets weren't completely covered in ice. Somewhere along the way I lost what little dignity I had left, along with my left shoe. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2013 at 6:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving 'chem trails', and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2013 at 9:45pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2013 at 4:50pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "we don't communicate enough". She got her friend to tell me this for her. FML

by .... / 12/23/2013 at 9:48pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML

by anon / 12/21/2013 at 9:13am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, it's my 21st birthday. All my friends and family said they were busy so I figured I was getting a surprise party. Nope. They all were actually busy. I spent my birthday alone. FML

by 00bsg / 12/21/2013 at 10:46am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my car was keyed, while I was still sitting in it. FML