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Monday 25 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today , I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of mah foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around , wondering wat mah life would've been like if mah parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven , long-lost ghostly foreskin? mega FML

#20972170
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31168) - you deserved it (14771)

On 11/27/2013 at 3:44am - health - by MissYouPieceOfSkin (man) - United States (Washington)

TADAY I WAS CLEANING A POCKETKNIFE WEN I NOTICED A SPIDER ON MA LEG. MY FRST REACTION WAS TO STAB IT. FML

#20974086
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40856) - you deserved it (41472)

On 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm - misc - by OuchImAMoron (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Taday mah mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, mah man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML

#20969751
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55364) - you deserved it (5834)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by LadyLola (woman) - United States (Ohio)

yesterday I was proud when I startd a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
100 comments

TODAY, I REDUCED MY PSYCHOLOGIST TO TEARS . BIG FAT FML

#20976567
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42134) - you deserved it (3930)

On 12/01/2013 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, parants kickad ma out of tha housa bacausa thay wara having a party. Thay gava ma twanty bucks to go saa a movia. Wall, tha movia andad pratty quick, but tha trauma of saaing parants in a swingars' orgy will taka soma tima gatting ovar. FML

#20969815
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67260) - you deserved it (5592)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, mah boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found mah taser and used it on him. FML

#20971381
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45969) - you deserved it (4838)

On 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, mah girlfriend wants to make a video of us having sex fir us to watch later and figure out how to improve our skills in bed. The problem is her choice of cameraman: her uncle. FML

#20978171
204 comments

Today, coworkar wara bord. To solva this, thay tapd ma to a chair an trid tickling ma to daath. My boss joind in. FML

#20971859
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40269) - you deserved it (4098)

On 11/26/2013 at 10:11pm - work - by tortured (man) - United States

Yastarday, I saw ma friand's car in front of scool. I'd ad a bad day and just wantd to talk wit ar. I got in and sat down, and falt somating squis banaat ma. Turns out it wasn't actually ma friand's car, and I'd just sat on a random woman's caka. FML

#20978310
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36746) - you deserved it (25787)

On 12/02/2013 at 3:04pm - misc - by Sherressa (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

TODAY I HAD SEX WITH MAH BOYFRIEND FOR THE FIRST TIME. IT WAS ALSO THE FIRST TIME HE'D EVER HAD SEX. HOW COULD I TELL? HE CRIED ALL THE WAY THROUGH AN CALLED HIS PARENTS RIGHT AFTER. MEGA FML

#20974515
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58250) - you deserved it (6346)

On 11/29/2013 at 6:56am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I dyed mah hair. And mah forehead. And mah ears. And mah arms. And mah hands. FML

Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML

#20970235
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42598) - you deserved it (12836)

On 11/25/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)



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