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Monday 11 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML

#20958646
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40587) - you deserved it (2724)

On 11/15/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by mummer11 (woman) - Ireland

Today, I let my sister hold my newborn daughter for the first time. I heard her mutter under her breath, "I could kill you so easily..." FML

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turns to me and says in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

#20953649
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42553) - you deserved it (2806)

On 11/11/2013 at 5:36am - work - by shut up. - New Zealand

Today, I got my dad to fill in a questionnaire my teacher handed out on Friday. One question said "I would like to see my son/daughter ______." My dad wrote in the blank: "less often." FML

#20961005
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46998) - you deserved it (4070)

On 11/17/2013 at 3:27pm - kids - by :( (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while working at McDonald's, an angry customer called asking for his money back. Apparently we'd put 6 cheeseburgers in his bag instead of 5, he ate them all and now feels sick. FML

Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

#20961988
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42851) - you deserved it (17431)

On 11/18/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by flavored (woman) - United States

Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML

#20960837
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57827) - you deserved it (2684)

On 11/17/2013 at 12:46pm - misc - by failed brood mare (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I jack off "real weird." FML

#20957730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45720) - you deserved it (14632)

On 11/14/2013 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by jack s.b. (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm moving from Arizona to Washington State with my 2 cats in my car. I've only just left and just learned that one cat gets carsick and the other stress farts. Only 956 more miles to go. FML

#20962468
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42053) - you deserved it (5718)

On 11/18/2013 at 6:47pm - animals - by Catcrap! - United States (California)

Today, I got a concussion. It was when an entire shelf of bicycle helmets tumbled onto my skull. FML

#20954433
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37198) - you deserved it (2729)

On 11/11/2013 at 9:14pm - health - by myheadhurts (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML

#20955466
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39797) - you deserved it (4716)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:57pm - love - by icyrebel25 - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

#20955991
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45912) - you deserved it (12083)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by CanWeAllGetOne - United States (Texas)



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