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Friday 1 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

#20936891
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39576) - you deserved it (3091)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Asshole hornet - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to school without any makeup on. The guys who usually compliment me for being pretty are now calling me "The Greatest Illusion Ever". FML

#20936906
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43407) - you deserved it (19279)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:31pm - misc - by The greatest Illusion ever (woman) - United States

Today, a woman accused me of bullying her son, and said that she is going to get me fired. Her son is a 27-year-old teacher at my school, whom I disciplined for showing up drunk. FML

#20950736
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44162) - you deserved it (2306)

On 11/08/2013 at 8:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was wearing a letterman jacket that had my school name and "Okinawa Japan" on the back. A high school kid walks up to me and says, "I can't forgive you people for bombing Pearl Harbor." I'm black. FML

#20938215
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41941) - you deserved it (3688)

On 10/29/2013 at 6:31pm - misc - by The_FN_Gunny - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I got knocked over at the park by a rampant dog. My fiancé stood by laughing his ass off as I repeatedly tried to stand up, only to be knocked back down again. I'm seven months pregnant. FML

#20943386
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67456) - you deserved it (4670)

On 11/03/2013 at 2:21am - love - by StrandedWhale (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my sex face is definitely amusing after the third girl in a row started laughing at it. FML

#20945549
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42178) - you deserved it (7759)

On 11/04/2013 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by UnfortunatelyAmusing (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I discovered that the guy I've been seeing is a firm supporter of the Westboro Baptist Church. FML

#20947273
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54466) - you deserved it (6899)

On 11/06/2013 at 12:06am - love - by maddie - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in a public restroom when my almost-2-year-old figured out how to open the door and run out. Half-a-dozen strangers watched me scramble to pull up my pants and moon everyone before running after her. FML

#20948920
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41287) - you deserved it (3891)

On 11/07/2013 at 10:23am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist live in Finding Nemo?" I called in and got through. When he asked me the question, instead of the actual answer I quickly gave out my own address over live radio. FML

#20939023
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36571) - you deserved it (17402)

On 10/30/2013 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

#20945397
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50919) - you deserved it (5272)

On 11/04/2013 at 5:27pm - love - by :/ (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

#20949324
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39389) - you deserved it (8000)

On 11/07/2013 at 6:08pm - misc - by Where is the faith in Humanity - United States (Washington)

Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML

#20950354
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41650) - you deserved it (17530)

On 11/08/2013 at 3:02pm - intimacy - by notsogood - United States

Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML

#20942539
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45118) - you deserved it (5170)

On 11/02/2013 at 1:34pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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