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Friday 1 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

#20941762
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21519) - you deserved it (50499)

On 11/01/2013 at 7:55pm - health - by nl4 (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I got knocked over at the park by a rampant dog. My fiancé stood by laughing his ass off as I repeatedly tried to stand up, only to be knocked back down again. I'm seven months pregnant. FML

#20943386
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67830) - you deserved it (4694)

On 11/03/2013 at 2:21am - love - by StrandedWhale (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML

#20943397
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42718) - you deserved it (7655)

On 11/03/2013 at 2:34am - animals - by katchoo (woman) - Denmark

Today, I went to school without any makeup on. The guys who usually compliment me for being pretty are now calling me "The Greatest Illusion Ever". FML

#20936906
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45552) - you deserved it (20167)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:31pm - misc - by The greatest Illusion ever (woman) - United States

Today, I was wearing a letterman jacket that had my school name and "Okinawa Japan" on the back. A high school kid walks up to me and says, "I can't forgive you people for bombing Pearl Harbor." I'm black. FML

#20938215
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43531) - you deserved it (3819)

On 10/29/2013 at 6:31pm - misc - by The_FN_Gunny - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after being forced to take my little sister trick-or-treating, we had the cops called on us twice. She thought it would be funny to tell all the people giving out candy that I'd been following her around and that she had no idea who I was, and that she was scared of me. FML

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I could love anything more than her, and if so, what. I guess "bacon" was the wrong answer. FML

#20936378
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27873) - you deserved it (41270)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:58am - love - by BaconLover - Japan

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

#20946588
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39515) - you deserved it (3474)

On 11/05/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by :/ (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML

#20942539
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46903) - you deserved it (5341)

On 11/02/2013 at 1:34pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend got a detention for public display of affection. We go to different schools. FML

#20937522
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55968) - you deserved it (4179)

On 10/29/2013 at 12:24am - love - by cmart_9 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

#20936891
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41893) - you deserved it (3273)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Asshole hornet - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, some kid asked me if I was Mexican. After I explained to him that I was actually Venezuelan, he simply snorted and said, "That's the same f*cking thing. If you speak Spanish then you're Mexican." FML

#20939700
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49559) - you deserved it (5614)

On 10/30/2013 at 10:59pm - misc - by Rinelric1998 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, for the tenth time, my teacher made a misbehaving student sit next to me as punishment. He begged for detention instead. FML

#20945365
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49865) - you deserved it (5493)

On 11/04/2013 at 5:01pm - misc - by WinkleBottom (man) - United States



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