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Friday 1 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out my 13-year-old daughter thinks the showerhead got her pregnant. FML

Today, I put a picture of my cat on Facebook. A stranger sent me a message saying how "attractive" she was and that her eyes are "very seductive". So, basically, someone is trying to hit on my cat. FML

#20938804
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40052) - you deserved it (4449)

On 10/30/2013 at 3:03am - animals - by meow (woman) - United States

Today, after being forced to take my little sister trick-or-treating, we had the cops called on us twice. She thought it would be funny to tell all the people giving out candy that I'd been following her around and that she had no idea who I was, and that she was scared of me. FML

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

#20936339
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45051) - you deserved it (3128)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

#20937007
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43969) - you deserved it (2923)

On 10/28/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Greg (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 8-year-old came home from school crying. Apparently her teacher told the whole class to write about how they felt when they learned that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy weren't real. FML

#20942077
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52759) - you deserved it (5227)

On 11/02/2013 at 12:19am - kids - by SantaClaus - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

#20942725
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52467) - you deserved it (7651)

On 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, my professor tried to scare the hiccups out of me. Some pee came out instead. FML

#20937069
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37737) - you deserved it (3794)

On 10/28/2013 at 6:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

#20939123
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45359) - you deserved it (7778)

On 10/30/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by goodgrief (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML

#20946422
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42189) - you deserved it (10050)

On 11/05/2013 at 1:01pm - intimacy - by roughsexgonewrong (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

#20947706
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42993) - you deserved it (8720)

On 11/06/2013 at 1:08pm - animals - by lbg2msf (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, some kid asked me if I was Mexican. After I explained to him that I was actually Venezuelan, he simply snorted and said, "That's the same f*cking thing. If you speak Spanish then you're Mexican." FML

#20939700
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46643) - you deserved it (5308)

On 10/30/2013 at 10:59pm - misc - by Rinelric1998 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of "how hard he gave it to me last night". FML

#20936372
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52084) - you deserved it (9179)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - intimacy - by snowwhite (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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