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Thursday 10 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

#20918730
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21386) - you deserved it (80621)

On 10/13/2013 at 10:38am - love - by not getting laid - United States (Texas)

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

#20919140
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36295) - you deserved it (12257)

On 10/13/2013 at 5:20pm - misc - by HSampsON (man) - Niger (Niamey)

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML

#20912171
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53474) - you deserved it (4217)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:55am - kids - by thisguy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

#20919376
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52319) - you deserved it (3289)

On 10/13/2013 at 9:14pm - work - by mustabeendrugs (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, it hit me that I'm incredibly pathetic, when at the age of 21, I tucked my stuffed animals into bed with me, facing in different directions so they could keep watch for monsters while I slept. FML

#20922788
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43160) - you deserved it (14270)

On 10/16/2013 at 2:48pm - misc - by SaveMeTeddy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out my handwriting is so bad that people think I write in Arabic. FML

#20922701
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41536) - you deserved it (9327)

On 10/16/2013 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

#20910543
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43212) - you deserved it (7277)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by Ashley - United States (California)

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

#20922561
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46719) - you deserved it (6514)

On 10/16/2013 at 9:33am - kids - by TiredMum - United States (Washington)

Today, I came across some bubble wrap. Turned out it was a special type of bubble wrap that cannot be popped. FML

#20924315
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47753) - you deserved it (4337)

On 10/17/2013 at 6:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML

#20920034
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48328) - you deserved it (5513)

On 10/14/2013 at 12:02pm - love - by lovehurts - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

#20919796
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41858) - you deserved it (3072)

On 10/14/2013 at 3:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

#20914246
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32477) - you deserved it (6323)

On 10/09/2013 at 7:15pm - work - by Ellie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML

#20915864
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41885) - you deserved it (4596)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:04pm - kids - by SlapAndTickle - United States



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