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Tuesday 1 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

#20908715
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42730) - you deserved it (3581)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:34pm - animals - by animal lover... -

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

#20909928
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50397) - you deserved it (3571)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:54pm - love - by UHM (man) - United States

Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML

#20911508
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41467) - you deserved it (3588)

On 10/07/2013 at 8:21pm - misc - by Agax (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

#20912485
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54536) - you deserved it (5087)

On 10/08/2013 at 1:57pm - intimacy - by hubby - United States

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

#20904456
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16490) - you deserved it (108867)

On 10/02/2013 at 8:43am - love - by Lilly (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

#20906869
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50971) - you deserved it (7070)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by f.a.t. (woman) - Australia

Today, I got my daughter's school pictures. Instead of smiling, she did the duck face. She's 6. FML

#20912722
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45884) - you deserved it (7513)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

#20902425
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44273) - you deserved it (3263)

On 09/30/2013 at 7:54pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

#20909568
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45027) - you deserved it (3470)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:13pm - misc - by D: (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I realized how bad my insomnia had got when I tried answering my water bottle when my alarm went off. FML

#20901491
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34476) - you deserved it (2757)

On 09/30/2013 at 1:01am - health - by Overworked - United States

Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and splashed me like in a cheesy movie. As if that wasn't annoying enough, the driver had to pull over because she was laughing too hard. FML

#20907968
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43932) - you deserved it (3102)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by CelibateHero (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I repeatedly had to ask people to please stop groping the mannequins. FML

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

#20906275
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33853) - you deserved it (28896)

On 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Kyra.45 (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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