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Tuesday 1 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML

#20901889
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40952) - you deserved it (7021)

On 09/30/2013 at 12:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

#20907982
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19742) - you deserved it (45012)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML

#20907686
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37616) - you deserved it (4880) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/04/2013 at 7:00pm - animals - by iet_Wyrda (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML

#20910133
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40145) - you deserved it (2707)

On 10/06/2013 at 9:11pm - kids - by TeddyBearKiller (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time after we made up from a huge fight. He loves my cat, but she's sick right now so she wouldn't play with him. He yelled at me for "making" her not like him by "telling her lies". FML

#20910894
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41669) - you deserved it (3972)

On 10/07/2013 at 12:20pm - animals - by littlekellilee (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

#20912578
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56060) - you deserved it (3197)

On 10/08/2013 at 3:17pm - misc - by mathgenius - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed my stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with my pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. FML

#20901686
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37061) - you deserved it (7826)

On 09/30/2013 at 6:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, and for the fifth week in a row, my dad has been moping around and acting pissy about everything because his psycho girlfriend won't talk to him. He now claims his life is over. I'm being raised by a teenage girl. FML

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

#20907559
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22037) - you deserved it (72208)

On 10/04/2013 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

#20908715
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39581) - you deserved it (3013)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:34pm - animals - by animal lover... -

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

#20909610
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36778) - you deserved it (2853)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:40pm - health - by _/ | \_ (woman) - Singapore

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

#20909928
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48385) - you deserved it (3399)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:54pm - love - by UHM (man) - United States



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