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Saturday 14 September 2013

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Today, my sister, who knows I'm severely afraid of heights, got me tickets to sky dive for my birthday. When I reminded her of my fear, she stated that she forgot and should just keep them for herself and her boyfriend. My mom agreed. FML

by PartTimePrincess / 09/10/2013 at 10:56am / United States / Money

Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She pretended like it never happened. FML

Today, I started my new job. Only after I met my new boss did I realise I've met him before. He was at my friend's party last month, the only time in my life when I got so wasted that I danced on a table before puking on myself. He remembers me, too. FML

by Anoymous / 09/18/2013 at 2:31pm / Slovakia (Bratislava) / Work

Today, I had to explain to my mother that faith healing will not work on plumbing. FML

by Norvi / 09/14/2013 at 1:51am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend invited me over for the first time. I pulled up to her house just to be denied at the front door by her mum. She'd invited me over to break up with me, but had her mum do it for her. FML

by AnonymousLoser / 09/11/2013 at 5:30am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I pulled my motorcycle into a wheelie when my crush drove by. She was the one who drove me to the hospital when I went over backward. FML

by Robert / 09/12/2013 at 9:11pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed that my new colleague never laughs. Instead she says, "LOL". I have to work with her every day. FML

by Jienaf / 09/17/2013 at 4:26am / Malta / Work

Today, while chatting with a friend online, I told her that Kristen Stewart isn't going to star in the 50 Shades movie as she originally thought. She then spammed me with so many "NO"/"NO WAY" messages that my crappy laptop froze up, forcing me to reboot and lose a ton of unsaved essay notes. FML

by CHEERS, TUMBLTARD / 09/13/2013 at 5:31pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that it's become a regular occurrence for my mother and me to talk about our pubic hair. I don't know which is worse: the fact that I know she shaves it, or the fact that we even talk about this stuff. FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2013 at 1:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother informed me that we are no longer taking my graduation trip to New York. Instead, she and her group of continuously drunk friends are going to Vegas because, "We could win the jackpot and take you on an even bigger trip to New York!" She's never won anything in her whole life. FML

by zcollins / 09/10/2013 at 11:52am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML

by Volunteer / 09/13/2013 at 6:24pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, my girlfriend came home with a huge bouquet of roses. They were from an admirer, brainwashing her to think I'm a terrible boyfriend for not buying her flowers like he did. FML

by Oh hells no / 09/16/2013 at 3:26am / United States (California) / Love

Today, a street preacher got on my metro car and gave a long, loud speech about how we sinful, polluted congressional staffers must inform our bosses that choosing a homosexual lifestyle was like trading your soul for soup. We got stuck in a tunnel for thirty minutes. FML

by CapitolSouthSux / 09/19/2013 at 8:54am / United States / Transportation