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Saturday 14 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old daughter holding a lit lighter to the underside of a spoon, which was full of baking powder. She was trying to breathe in the fumes to get high, and later confessed that she thought it's how heroin is made and used. FML

#20879909
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48671) - you deserved it (5861)

On 09/13/2013 at 5:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the movies with my husband and our 6-year-old son. My husband kept stealing popcorn from the guy next to him, to the point where the guy punched him in the face. The movie was stopped, the police were called, and my son is now inconsolable. FML

#20881087
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48853) - you deserved it (5555)

On 09/14/2013 at 3:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, I found out I do not have a fast metabolism, I've actually had a tape worm living inside me for 3 years. FML

#20875969
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60520) - you deserved it (3559)

On 09/10/2013 at 5:41pm - health - by Iskylite (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I told a guy he should be ashamed of himself for parking in a handicapped space. He hit me with his prosthetic leg. FML

#20875582
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18425) - you deserved it (92911)

On 09/10/2013 at 9:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the girl I like sent me a nude photo of herself. Being a photographer, all I could think about was how grainy the photo was, and the various ways it could be fixed. FML

#20889340
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47485) - you deserved it (21043)

On 09/20/2013 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML

#20886441
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41303) - you deserved it (18024)

On 09/18/2013 at 10:53am - animals - by OldHabitsDieHard - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went on a blind date. He showed up in a shirt that read, "I f*ck on first dates". FML

#20888198
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55213) - you deserved it (6261)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by ughreally (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding, because she found out I had sex with another woman. Three years before we even met. FML

#20878703
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71908) - you deserved it (7776)

On 09/12/2013 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by Crazy Crazy Crazy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

#20877518
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24936) - you deserved it (72096)

On 09/11/2013 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by lyfisdyno - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML

#20883919
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39484) - you deserved it (43277)

On 09/16/2013 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I shaved my face after several months of growth. This would be OK if my 4-year-old daughter would still talk to me. Apparently she doesn't recognise me, and I'm scary. FML

#20887990
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44536) - you deserved it (3786)

On 09/19/2013 at 5:18pm - kids - by Smoothskin (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML

#20888238
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47675) - you deserved it (13344)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:47pm - work - by Jamie - United States (Virginia)

Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML

#20881873
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42121) - you deserved it (2843)

On 09/15/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by sleeplessinrichmond - United States (New York)



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