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Saturday 7 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML

#20877954
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40727) - you deserved it (6389)

On 09/12/2013 at 1:18am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, even after loving him unconditionally, my originally 340 pound morbidly obese husband, who within the past two years lost almost 200 pounds, left me because now, he "can do so much better". FML

#20874079
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70878) - you deserved it (3970)

On 09/09/2013 at 3:19am - love - by heartbroken - United States (California)

Today, I'm a police officer who had the honor of arresting my girlfriend of 3 months for prostitution. All of my coworkers at the station know her and won't stop giving me judging looks. FML

#20869348
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47540) - you deserved it (4760)

On 09/05/2013 at 8:29pm - love - by single again - United States (California)

Today, while working at Home Depot, I was asked to cut some wire. When I asked her how much, she said, "From my computer to the wall". After explaining for a while that I didn't know how far that is, she left. FML

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

#20874571
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53458) - you deserved it (6208)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that what I thought for years was my country's National Anthem, is actually the theme song of a TV show. FML

#20878595
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18246) - you deserved it (52532)

On 09/12/2013 at 6:27pm - misc - by :| (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML

#20866110
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37397) - you deserved it (2355)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by D - United States (California)

Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML

#20867080
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35876) - you deserved it (6708)

On 09/04/2013 at 1:25am - misc - by my back hurts - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my former high school bully became my manager. FML

#20871927
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59640) - you deserved it (3607)

On 09/07/2013 at 7:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML

#20879220
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43597) - you deserved it (4804)

On 09/13/2013 at 1:55am - work - by ellen77 - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to my husband about our favorite TV show, when he took my face in his hands and sweetly whispered, "You're so pretty. Why must you ruin it with words?" FML

#20880791
102 comments

Today, I went to my first class of the year. The first thing the teacher said was, "I hate this f*cking school." FML

#20867651
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34290) - you deserved it (2651)

On 09/04/2013 at 4:39pm - misc - by swana99 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a public place before confessing that I've been seeing another woman, to avoid a dramatic scene. After being rushed to the hospital with a concussion and broken nose, I think it's safe to say my plan didn't go very well. FML

#20873101
353 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19632) - you deserved it (98767)

On 09/08/2013 at 3:31pm - love - by verbaltodomestic (man) - United States (Wisconsin)



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