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Saturday 7 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

#20877041
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60316) - you deserved it (9754)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

#20876692
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58596) - you deserved it (13123)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:17am - misc - by spiritbeast33 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

#20876988
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53280) - you deserved it (4281)

On 09/11/2013 at 12:57pm - animals - by ugh Buck! (woman) - United States

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

#20865687
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53431) - you deserved it (11637)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by fml (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was playing World of Warcraft, when all of a sudden, I remembered I was supposed to be at a wedding. I was 25 minutes late to my own wedding. FML

#20880446
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24240) - you deserved it (96826)

On 09/14/2013 at 1:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

#20870528
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55189) - you deserved it (19898)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

#20867818
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48130) - you deserved it (3321)

On 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm - work - by dear god help me. - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. -Mom and Dad." FML

#20874309
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60547) - you deserved it (25160)

On 09/09/2013 at 11:15am - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

#20864782
534 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19626) - you deserved it (141800)

On 09/02/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

#20868509
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42289) - you deserved it (3141)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by down trodden (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my mom was sharing the story of how I was born with the umbilical cord around my neck. My sister added that it was God's first attempt to kill me off. FML

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

#20872880
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53128) - you deserved it (3461)

On 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

#20865525
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45127) - you deserved it (4977)

On 09/03/2013 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)



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